Hello, I am not exactly sure where to start. I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 10. He has always been emotionally more distant than I and we both entered the relationship with our own baggage. But it would be 13 years before I would learn of his abuse.
I have been in therapy for the last year and a half/two years. I felt unhappy with our marriage and blamed myself. My husband has always been very distant, critical, narcissistic, and hurtful, not ever really thinking about how his words or actions affect me. I thought if I were better, he wouldnt want to treat me that way. He has always been distant sexually also, making sure his needs are met and then leaving me to take care of my own.
So I went to therapy, starting to find myself, and around this time I had caught my husband looking at gay porn. This wasnt the first time. I have noticed him looking at men and women when we are out and about. I confronted him and asked him if he was gay. He then told me about his abuse. I tried to be supportive and comfort him but still in my own therapy, I have felt like I deserve to be happy as well. He is still confused about his sexual orientation and is just at the beginning of his journey of healing. I am torn between being there as a friend and trying to figure out how/if I can be a wife! I want to protect him and let him know that I am here to support but I dont want to sacrifice the work I have done for me either. Is he gay, bi, straight? Is his confusion as a result of his self-loathing and effects of his abuse? This is a very delicate and complicated situation and I am so grateful for this forum. I hope to find some answers.
I hope for healing for us all and for you - I look forward to getting to know you all