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#406646 - 08/13/12 05:29 AM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3511
Loc: somewhere in Africa
who can tell?

i don't know what i had before - so how do i know what i lost?

when you are only 5 - you don't have much to begin with.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#406651 - 08/13/12 06:59 AM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3511
Loc: somewhere in Africa
because the first abuser was a step-father - i lost any concept of what a father should be.

because her first loyalty was to him, her husband - i lost my mother, too.
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#407348 - 08/20/12 08:54 PM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3511
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i guess i'm a little slow - just now able to anwswer more clearly:

Like MarkK said - "me"

my way of expressing it would be - that i lost any chance of knowing who i would have been if not for the trauma. i feel that loss acutely sometimes - almost like what i have heard about the death of a twin.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#407448 - 08/21/12 05:18 PM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
I lost me, turned into something that I didn't recognize when I started to really look at myself and just now after 1/2 my life discovering the wonderful person trapped inside me. This makes me angry.
_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#407538 - 08/22/12 09:34 AM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
My rightful place on The Red Sox in-field.

Even if it was only to be a dream, it simply could not "be," not after I was shredded like that. Not after being kicked out of real-life.
_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#407549 - 08/22/12 11:53 AM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
cymrotom Offline


Registered: 06/15/12
Posts: 30
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
1. Sense of self worth
2. Ability to trust what people say to me.
3. Ability to express my feelings without worrying about others' reactions.
4. Sense of control over my life.

My abuser was my sister. She used control to abuse me. I was also physically (not sexually) abused by my brother. I get triggered by the smallest amount of control in my current relationship with my longtime girlfriend and want to withdraw.




Edited by cymrotom (08/22/12 12:01 PM)
Edit Reason: add stuff
_________________________
I just want to be me.

Tom

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#407551 - 08/22/12 12:50 PM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
GT13568 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 133
Loc: California
I can never trust myself, my feelings. I guess I never learned or I lost self trust. Oh right, and my childhood, family, etc....

Thanks for a great topic and exchange, Robbie.
_________________________
I won the moment he hurt me, because he poisoned his soul, and I did not poison mine. I did not hurt anyone. He did. He was the perp. He tried to make me into a victim, but I became a survivor. Yes.

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#407563 - 08/22/12 02:13 PM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 08:05 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#407565 - 08/22/12 02:27 PM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: Still]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
If I state what was lost does that help my recovery? We all lost ALOT. Everyone here. We are all still losing something's maybe. We are survivors of loss. We are stronger than most as at the sametime we are weaker. I use to hear my dad say this to me about getting hit with a baseball of taking a hard lick in football " if that is the worst that happens to you then you will be alright". I wanted to reply " your brother has molested me from an age I can't remember until I was 12 is that bad enough for ya". I don't really know to what extent I lost. I just lived life the only way I knew how. Made the most of it and then when I couldn't live anymore with th past then it was time for a rebirth of sorts you could say. The old left and the new came.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#407617 - 08/23/12 03:52 AM Re: What did YOU lose? [Re: cant_remember]
GT13568 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 133
Loc: California
Originally Posted By: cant_remember

But here's an equally important question: WHAT HAVE WE GAINED?

1. Empathy for the underdog.

2. Determination to persevere against all odds.

3. Ability to spot hypocrisy and bullshit from 1,000 yards away.

4. Survival skills.

What else?


Again and again I read this post and the responses. As with most things I read here it is very triggering. It means a lot to find so many other voices sharing my feelings. Wow, thanks all.

cant_remember I appreciate this list of somewhat negative gains, to which I would add that I gained a unusual capacity for happiness - or a capacity for unusual happiness.

Understanding the sadness of life makes me appreciate very much when I am not sad. it's a kind of determination. "I can do this even though you are trying to destroy me."

Although my happy times are always tinged with hidden tears, still I am able to share joy in a way that other people can feel. For this I am grateful.

The creepy dad who out of his own twisted pain tried to ruin me did not succeed.
_________________________
I won the moment he hurt me, because he poisoned his soul, and I did not poison mine. I did not hurt anyone. He did. He was the perp. He tried to make me into a victim, but I became a survivor. Yes.

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