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#406229 - 08/08/12 08:20 PM Emails
wgrrcb Offline

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 32

Edited by wgrrcb (02/20/13 03:34 PM)

#406237 - 08/08/12 09:05 PM Re: Emails [Re: wgrrcb]
traveler Online   confused

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3515
Loc: somewhere in Africa

IMHO, it is wise to be very guarded and careful how much you reveal at this point. i don't know anything about your past, but since you are posting this here - i assume she was abusive and that is why you have had no contact for a long time. abusers can change, i suppose, but often we survivors hope for change that doesn't happen. please protect yourself. keep yourself safe - both physically and emotionally. don't let her manipulate you into getting whatever she wants at your expense. it is not cold or cruel on your part to do what is right for your own well-being. if she can prove she is owning up to the truth and wants forgiveness or to make amends, that would be great - but it is only natural for you to be cautious and skeptical. BTW - if you feel the need to forgive her - that is also fine - but it doesn't mean that you have to "forget" as well. it should be up to YOU how you proceed.

As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago

#406352 - 08/10/12 03:01 AM Re: Emails [Re: traveler]
wgrrcb Offline

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 32

Edited by wgrrcb (02/20/13 03:34 PM)

#406632 - 08/13/12 12:09 AM Re: Emails [Re: wgrrcb]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1355
Hi Wgrrcb,

As Lee stated, there is a good reason you have not had voluntary contact with your mother since you have been 14. Obviously she has done something to make you very wary of her.

Whether or not she is being nice now really isn't the issue. You do not trust her and you do not want her contacting you. Her contact is making you more than uncomfortable.

You can send her an email telling her you do not want her in your life. Or, if you prefer not to be so direct, mark her email as "spam." That way it will be directed to the spam folder and you won't see it in your in-box.

Being contacted out of the blue, especially after so many years is sure to raise one's level of wariness. The questions that come to mind are "what does she want?" "Why did she choose now to make contact?"

You have every right to maintain your boundaries with her. You have to do what is in your best interest, not what is more comfortable for her.

Guilt? Perhaps.

But think back to when she was in your life. Did she play the guilt trip game? Did she do something abusive and then follow it up with "apologies?" Did she try to get you to understand her problems as a way of excusing her abusive behavior?

Do you feel like she is manipulating you again?

If she is contacting you because she has something important to tell you, she will come out and say what her reason is, and not play the "I can't call you, I can't write to you, how do I know it's really you?" game.

You are under no obligation to respond to any message you receive. If you choose to respond, the response does not need to be immediate. Think about how you feel and what you want to say and respond on when you are ready.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#406761 - 08/14/12 03:35 AM Re: Emails [Re: Anomalous]
wgrrcb Offline

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 32

Edited by wgrrcb (02/20/13 03:34 PM)

#406949 - 08/15/12 08:20 PM Re: Emails [Re: wgrrcb]
Neverquit Offline

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 147
Loc: Ohio
You could try setting a boundary by saying I will contact you when I am ready to exchange emails again. This will give you some time to sort things out. Also, do you have a therapist to talk to? A real life ally who understands where you are coming from provides invaluable stability in times like these.

Good luck! And remember, you are only responsible for your own emotions. So take care of yourself always. smile


Edited by Neverquit (08/15/12 08:21 PM)
There is always hope


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