This is from a conversation I had with my Mother, but it's a question I ask myself I lot.
One day when I was about 19 years old my Mom sat down next to me on the couch. This was during a really dark angry phase in my life as I was trying to deal with my CSA. I had been fighting her about going back to therapy as it was just too painful.
Here is what she said.
Inside of all of us there are two wolves.
One wolf is full of all that is good.
Kindness, empathy, love, and truth. This wolf is the wolf of divine light and wisdom.
The other wolf is full of all that is evil.
Anger, fear, hate, and destruction.
This is the wolf all loss, pain, and darkness.
These two wolves inside of each of us are locked in a constant
A fight for the fate of each of our souls.
She paused for moment
So which one do you think wins? she asked me.
"I don't know." I said.
She then looked me dead in the eyes.
Whichever one you feed. She said
So I ask you my daughter, right now, which wolf are you feeding?
Needless to say I decided that day to go back to therapy.
And everyday as I struggle with my Husbands CSA, I look at my actions and words, and I ask myself...Which wolf am I feeding?
Everything comes from within