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#406140 - 08/07/12 07:49 PM predisposed to doubt
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3208
Loc: back in the USA
my wife and i both heard the same anecdote from someone that was telling his own story. it was intended to be a boost to faith - like an example of God answering prayer and working a bad situation out for the good. it was pretty impressive if you looked at it objectively. sounded convincing and like too much for just a coincidence. had to be divine intervention.

AND - - -

my wife hears the story and thinks - isn't that great! it is encouraging and faith-building and uplifting. it gives hope that my prayers will be answered too.

BUT - - -

i hear the same story and think - nice for you, buddy - but it doesn't work that way for me. i get more depressed because my prayers (the most important ones, anyway) haven't been answered. and it just tends to confirm in my mind that i'm excluded and unworthy. and then i get mad - OK, God - why do you hear him and not me?

sorry this is so negative - just had to get it off my chest - felt like i was going to lose it and could hardly sit still during the meeting. managed not to embarras myself, but not feeling too good now. and i'll probly regret posting this.

i don't know if i am just a natural pessimist - or a poor example of a "believer" because i don't believe all that i should - or if the trust issues caused by abuse have screwed up this part of my life and mind and soul as well.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#406149 - 08/07/12 08:52 PM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
SamV Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5935
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Lee, you can be in my head sometimes.

I too feel the doubt of another's blessing or miracle. How does it happen to them and not to me? How does it happen at all? I look around at so many beaming faces and they are clapping and congratulating. I am sitting there, and I too manage not to embarrass myself, but I wonder how they thought this was a miracle, could it not be time and unforeseen circumstance that had a positive outcome in Ecclesiastes 9:11?

Am I predisposed to doubt? Yep. When Adam and Eve partook of the fruit of the knowledge of good and bad, they had to sin in order to attain such knowledge. It was a double edged sword. In order to understand good and bad behavior, they have to act badly. They taught us, and we have that preference inherent in us. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us our own heart, the figurative heart, where we store our feelings that move us to act, is treacherous. Our first reaction then is to badness, or treachery.

So when we hear about a miracle, if we rely on ourselves and our reasoning, it will seem as if it is improbable. Even the apostle Peter with Christ in the sea walking miracle of Matthew 14:30, 31 became afraid and began to sink. If he struggles, how much more so would we with the abuse?

The Bible gives clear advice on how to be more accepting towards God and his interaction with mankind. Psalms 65:2 calls our Heavenly Father a "Hearer of Prayer". However, the answer is not what we may expect. 1 Corinthians 10:12, 13 help us understand that God does not always provide a miraculous escape, but does not allow us to bear more than we can endure. Sometimes the way "out" is His supporting us to endure. It may be a scriptural thought, a smile from a friend or loved one that affirms your strength, nothing spectacular, just a "way out".

The Apostle Paul fervently prayed for a release. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 tells us that the Apostle had a physical affliction he asked God to remove. His Heavenly Father replied that the "undeserved kindness was sufficient for him". Interestingly, Paul's reaction could have been bitterness, but his reply in verses 9, 10 are faith strengthening.

I feel, personally, yes I do remember what I just said about personal perspective lol, that God provides us just what we need. For if we had an abundance, like the Jews in the Bible times, they began to expect it and did not appreciate what they had. There is no doubt that Our Father loves me as a unique individual, and that I am forgiven and accepted by Him. There have been some wonderful events in my life Lee, I cannot resolve, and I am a fairly intelligent man.

I will leave you with an affirming scripture. Acts 17:11. Eager examination will reveal the truth, fellow survivor. Keep searching, you have come a long way.

Sam
_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge. (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#406153 - 08/07/12 09:05 PM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
Simple believers are idiots.

God doesn't give us the burden of being CSA survivors so that He can take the pain away once we pray about it X number of times.

He gives us this burden perhaps because He thinks we can handle it, which is bullshit, and totally unfair... and yet, that's where we find ourselves.

I pray that I can find a useful outlet of my pain, to help others, to protect others, to give voice to the voiceless.

I would never want to be a simple normal person, even if it meant giving up the pain. Normals are so BORING.


Edited by cant_remember (08/07/12 09:06 PM)
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#406173 - 08/08/12 12:01 AM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 827
Loc: Kc,Mo
I have so been there and done that . Picture me sitting in the pew listening to the pastor talk about how good God is and how he can deliver you form x y and z and specifically mentions molestation next . I am sitting there with my arms crossed slouching pissed off really pissed off . Thinking what the F#4@ why have i no been delivered and if deliverance happen for everyone but me . I was seething mad and felt like saying this is bullshit out loud . Because I had been coming to church and i mean faithfully every time the doors were open i was there i was trying to find out what this whole God thing was about . I went one time and for what ever reason i had this feeling like there was something to this even if i did not understand it even if i could not wrap my head around it completely i knew that there was something to it .

I kept coming and for 2yrs i really thought i was doing something accomplishing something . It all lead to that day sitting in church with my arms crossed slouching down looking half crazy mad when the pastor stops teaching and points to me and says
Quote:
" Sit up young man uncross those arms and sit up sitting there all pathetic with your arms all crossed up , if your arms are all crossed up that means your life is all crossed up"
He had called me out and i sat up strait uncrossed my arms . I sat there contemplating whether i should get up and kick his ass . I did not hear anything he had to say after that for i was completely and utterly amazed that he would call me out like that i sat there in shock . After church I went home and was livid i was freaking ready to hunt him down and give him a piece of my mind for real. I remember thinking who the hell does he think he is , he does not no me , he does not no what i have been through how dare he on and on i was going and than i sat there with my bible in hand and i was looking down at it and i heard this still small voice and i recalled what the pastor had said .

" My arms are all crossed up that means my life is all crossed up" and i remember thinking man he is absolutely right my life is all crossed up i am all crossed up .

So even though i was mad after i had realized every thing he said was true so call me crazy but i went back and i kept going back . Sept 29th 2001 i found my deliverance from alcohol I got baptized filthy drunk and that day i truly felt the presence of God no words to describe what i felt that day . I never drank again it has been 11yrs . The point is that not to give you another story about God finally answering my prayers but God truly does reward those who diligently seek him .

I never gave up on God and stopped looking for the deliverance and kept searching for God i kept seeking and seeking him and him alone and the deliverance came more and more and more now to the point that i stand firm on the promises of God .

Most people would have left that church but he pushed me he called me out . I later disclosed to him after i heard someones testimony about being delivered from being molested from her own brother and i thought wow she is bold she is talking about this out loud with not shame and not guilt .

It let me no that i could achieve this if she could so i set out to seek God until i got to at least where she was and he has take me far far beyond that .

SO instead of seeking answered prayers seek Christ draw near to him it has almost become and idle in a ways lifting it up above God when all you need to do is to continue seeking him and the rest will follow .

I do believe that many prayers have been answered in ways you just might not have thought . My pastor says God answers prayers either NO ,YES , or WAIT and it is the wait that gets us .

All through the bible he had people waiting even after he said he would do something . Take Abraham he told him he would be a father of nations but it took him over 25yrs to actually see that through because God had to get him in potion to be a Father the Father he needed to be in order for God to use him to be a Father of nations . If that makes any sense .

He truly does things in ways that only he can see . He knows the end as well as the beginning he is there simultaneously this is how great our God is . He knows what it will take in order to get us in the position he knows we need to be in .

I believe you have prayed about finding healing and comfort and low and be hold you have found that here you have found that in your counsouling sessions you have found that through your wife all by your own admission . So even though you think your prayers are not being answered i truly believe they are being answered just not in the way you think they should be answered .

Because God is going to use the best possible outcome that will have the best possible result with the greater good for not only you but those around you and beyond .

And you have grown here you have found answers you have helped others so in the process of your praying for healing i believe you are finding that healing and you are being used to help others find healing as well . That is how God works this is how God answers prayers not in the way we see fit but the way he knows will have the greatest impact .


Trust me Lee you have helped many here by your questions your answers your seeking your honesty and your openness. I for one have seen you grow leaps and bounds . I know we do not no each other face to face but i no progress when i see it even if it is through a reading your post and watching the growth in your tones and in your strong desire to be whole .

So thanks for sharing and thanks for being honest you will have your answers because you keep seeking


Edited by nltsaved (08/08/12 12:04 AM)
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#406538 - 08/12/12 05:21 AM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3208
Loc: back in the USA
nltsaved - thanks once again for some really helpful counsel - i do value your input.

this part especially:

***SO instead of seeking answered prayers seek Christ draw near to him it has almost become and idle in a ways lifting it up above God when all you need to do is to continue seeking him and the rest will follow .

I do believe that many prayers have been answered in ways you just might not have thought . My pastor says God answers prayers either NO ,YES , or WAIT and it is the wait that gets us .***

that is probably very true. but i also think i am seeking Him - not just gifts and blessings. see the other post i wrote today - "I am Adam."

and yes - the waiting is the killer. i know that is one possible outcome - but it still isn't easy. i was telling someone recently about Joseph and how long he had to wait for the fulfillment of his prophetic dream - after being a slave, in prison, etc. it all happened eventually - just like God said. then in church today the message was about Moses - 40 years in the wilderness when he knew his destiny - before he encountered God in the burning bush.

so - yeah - i needed the reminder!

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#406539 - 08/12/12 05:26 AM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3208
Loc: back in the USA
Cant_remember - thanks for joining in - that's pretty much how i often feel.

Sam - it will take me a while to digest that. got the refs copied down and will look em up! thanks

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#406694 - 08/13/12 05:04 PM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
Thanks, Lee.

This was my first foray into the spirituality forum. It's not easy to discuss these sorts of topics, so I was glad to chime in when you touched on something I could relate to.

Cant.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#407722 - 08/23/12 08:26 PM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Traveler,
I got news for you bro..Good news but maybe not exactly what you want to hear..God answers all porayers when they are prayed for his will to be done. It is JUST, as I use to be, some of us cant take WAIT, MAYBE,or NOT YET or NO as an answered prayer.. Did your kids, if you have any, get everything they asked for ??


Edited by Country (08/23/12 09:12 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#407736 - 08/23/12 09:15 PM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3208
Loc: back in the USA
Originally Posted By: Country
God answers all porayers when they are prsyed for his will to be done. It is JUST, as I use to be, some of us cant take WAIT, MAYBE,or NOT YET or NO as an answered prayer.. Did your kids, if you have any, get everything they asked for ??


yeah, i KNOW all that in my head - it is just so hard to hear of all these trivial matters being miraculously solved - and then someone who is suffering really serious health issues or life circumstances - and they get no relief. like - does God really care more about getting someone the car they want than he does about another believer's ability to function on a normal level from day to day without excruciating pain? and it makes it worse when someone states or implies that the reason prayer is not answered is because i don't have enough faith or there is sin in my life. as if God is punishing someone else for my faults.

sorry, i know you are trying to help...
lee


Edited by traveler (08/23/12 09:52 PM)
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#407738 - 08/23/12 09:25 PM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him , and He will make your paths straight..

I say if you want the full blessings from the Father that you have to surrender it all and be willing to be uncomfortable for God if the time calls for it to bless someone and then you will receive bleesings from God.
I can not tell you why some people have this and some dont have that and people struggle with this while others have it so easy, but I can say that I know a man named Job in the bible that had everything taken from him. I know that Job wants for nothing now and he is in perfect health and spirit, he is in the promised land.. I struggle just like any other survivor and why I dont know. But I do know the healer and He can right any wrong and fix any problem
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#407779 - 08/24/12 07:36 AM Re: predisposed to doubt [Re: traveler]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Doubt is something that the devil brings. I think it is one of his most powerful tools to use. The devil hate marriage as it is a unity of God. I rebuke the devil and all the doubt that the devils is teying to impose in travelers life. I rebuke him in the name of God and the devil must flee according to God's Holy Word. Thank you Father for all your power and keep traveler in your grace Father.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
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