Sounds to me like you are in the right place. You have found a true home here and a family that knows what you are feeling and loves you.
You are not a freak. I am married with three kids. I love my wife and kids, yet, I am still:
Attracted and turned on by gay porn.
Would like to be an exhibiionist, but that wouldn't go over with my wife, so I am not.
Feel like I am a 12 year old whenever I am around a 16-year-old or older.
Many other things that I have come to see are directly related to my abuse.
In a word, YOU ARE NORMAL guy. I am a member of another forum and a guy there says, "All boys are normal, some just got broken in shipping." Actually, everyone has an area or so of brokenness in their lives, but also many areas of strength. That you are here proves to me that you have much more strength than brokenness. I look forward to learning more about you my brother.