As the others have mentioned the feelings, both physical and emotional, are not uncommon at all.
It is also not uncommon that the abuser may have been the first, or only, person to have held you or treated you nicely. This is NOT to say that you wanted the abuse. All human beings have the need to be held and loved. Without physical contact a person (and all other mammals) can develop Non-Organic Failure to Thrive Syndrome
. Touch is an important part of our lives from the day we are born. When we are denied that basic need, we seek to have it filled any way we can.
But NO ONE should to have to "pay" for having a need fulfilled by being abused.
The human body is designed to respond to stimulation. It is purely a physiological reaction. The body
does not make an assessment regarding whether or not the stimulation is wanted or desired. That assessment is purely cognitive. Though we may try to will our bodies not to respond, it is not uncommon for people to get aroused or to orgasm as a result of the stimulation.
If your body responded it only means one thing - the plumbing works.
NO OTHER conclusion should be drawn from the fact that your body responded as it was designed.
Many who are abused are also left with conficted feelings about and for their abuser. Some feel a deep love. Some also have difficulty seeing that what was done to them was abuse because of the fond feelings they have/ had for their abuser.
One can love the person, but hate what they did. This is a particularly common conflict when the abuser is also a family member.
Your feelings and conflicts are not "uncommon." What is "uncommon" is your courage to acknowledge and to disclose your pain.