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#405978 - 08/06/12 09:12 AM Hello, new here
Kas Offline


Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 15
Hello everyone. my name is Kas, male and from a blasted place you may know as Iran. surely I will have a lot of misspellings and grammar mistakes, hope you forgive me. I was a victim of sexual abuse for over 4 years. I had no one to talk to or no place to go and this issue prevented me to live a normal life since I was 12. I was looking for a place to share my experience with someone who actually can understand it then I found here, MS! when I was looking at the forums I thought I finally found the place I was looking for. Its good to be here smile

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#405979 - 08/06/12 09:23 AM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Hello Kas, and welcome.

Your journey has been difficult, filled with secrecy and shame, without the ability to share, heal and have victory. Share your experiences, your feelings and feel free to reply and support here in this safe place.

My best to you fellow survivor, again welcome,

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#405987 - 08/06/12 10:00 AM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
Kas Offline


Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 15
Thanks Sam:)

My story begins when I was 12. my parents were always fighting and on that time it was their worst era of relationship. at the day when my father was at work I had to hold my out of control mom and avoid a big embarrassment because my mom always wanted to go to my father's store and start screaming and swearing him in public. on the other hand I had an older sister(she was 19 at the time) and she was so upset about the situation and I was the only place she knew to unload all those psychological complexes by beating the sh out of me. at nights I had to sleep with my mom's screams and very annoying noises of them fighting each other. in this little happy family I had an older brother also. he was 24(12 years older than me) who started to sexually abuse me from my age of 12 to 16. school was not any better because we had a mental principal and he always enjoyed humiliating me in front of teachers and other students I had no place to go, no one to talk and I was feeling so guilty, embarrassed and dirty for what my brother was doing to me.
After finishing school I went to university studying engineering and started to live separately from my family but I got expelled because I never went to any class .it was so hard for me to leave my home and communicate with other people.

I was in love with a girl before and the way I prefer to live is to have a relationship with a girl in my age but I can't control my sexuality and sometimes I have to watch shemale porn. it's very painful to feel the guilt and doing something that you are strongly against it.


On the other hand there is a huge anger inside me because the one who made my life a hell lives his normal life. in Iran things are different, as a male victim if you report a rape or sexual abuse you take a great risk. in many cases of same-sex rape or sexual abuse, the Iranian justice system not only found the rapist guilty but the victims got executed for being in the bottom in a gay sex.

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#406010 - 08/06/12 02:33 PM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1349
Hi Kas,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

In the United States many males do not report sexual abuse or assault for fear of not being believed, fear of being humiliated, etc. But none of us have to fear being executed by the legal system that is supposed to help us find justice.

A dire consequence such as that leaves those who were violated with no where to turn for help. If you were to see a therapist, would you be able to discuss the abuse? Or would that also put your life in jeopardy?

I admire your bravery for coming here and sharing your experiences with us.

Being accepted into the highly competitive and difficult program of engineering, and the fact you speak at least two languages should demonstrate to you that your difficulties with school had nothing to do with intelligence. The difficulties you experienced - avoiding classes becuase being around others was too difficult, etc., are a direct result of the abuse. It is not, in any way, a failure on your part.

The good news is, if you are able to get help for the issues resulting from the abuse, you will be able to pursue your goals of going to the university, or anything else you choose to do in life.

There are several books you might find useful.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew


I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

If it is unsafe for you to have the printed books, you may be able to download them (you may need the Kindle app to read them). The books may also be available on cd/ dvd.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

Again, welcome to MS.




Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#406064 - 08/07/12 12:54 AM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
Kas Offline


Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 15
Hello Anomalous, thanks for the warm welcoming and for those kind words. specially the " It is not, in any way, a failure on your part" part of your words made my tears to rain because it was the first time someone said something like that to me, thanks mate.

Well about the therapist I was actually talking to Sam via private messages yesterday and I told him I already tried a psychologist 3 years ago but It didn't work for me. he sent me to a prison-like mental hospital 4 times and I got electro-shocked 6 times on my brain in the past 3 years and it's been a year that I can't take any sleep without stress. most of the nights when I go to my bed I get a feeling about paramedic knocking at my door and trying to put me in that hospital again and sometimes I get a nightmare about it for this reason I stopped seeing him. the therapist won't report me but it has its own defects here.

About the books you kindly recommended to me I don't know If I can get any of them. I would gladly buy them to support those who dedicated their life to help people like me but because of the international sanctions on Iran there is no connection between the Iranian banking system and the world. however I will try to find some turrents on the piracy sites but I cant promise I can find the exact recommended books there.

I surely will try to use this site and its chat section because it has a lot of things for me to read and learn smile

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#406066 - 08/07/12 01:37 AM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Khosh Amadid, Kas.

My heart goes out to all of you trapped under the current regime in Iran. There is something similar about being the survivor of child sex abuse and living in a country under oppression and international sanctions, but a terrible burden to do both at the same time.

You are strong for reaching out. Do not feel guilty or ashamed for what your brother did to you; they are not your sins.

Until the sanctions against your country fall, you can connect and share here, with us, your brothers.

Tell us more about your internet connection. Is it censored or blocked? Are you using a VPN, Tor or some other work-around to get past the "halal internet"?

Do you have access to Amazon and a Kindle? That could be a great way to get books you might want.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#406077 - 08/07/12 03:40 AM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
Kas Offline


Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 15
Thanks for the welcome and your kind words Cant_remember, I really appreciate it! smile

Originally Posted By: Cant_remember
Until the sanctions against your country fall, you can connect and share here, with us, your brothers.



This is exactly what I planed to do ^^. tbh it is the first time I feel comfortable when I share my experience with someone. I told my therapist about it 3 years ago. I know its psychologists' job to listen to people like us and help us but they won't fully understand how you and I feel because they didn't feel what we felt and what we feel. but right now when I talk to you guys I can feel you are understanding me and it's very.. just awesome to feel you are not alone anymore after almost 2 decades of loneliness. so I'm not planning to move elsewhere anytime soon smile

Well about the internet connection here- I have to say it's not my concern. I can get access to MS site and forums without using a VPN or a proxy but I have to use them when I want to get access to the chat section, probably some ports are being blocked by the Iranian government. but it's not a big deal when you have VPN. however as I wrote before, because of the sanctions I can't buy anything from Amazon or any other non-Iranian website.

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#406080 - 08/07/12 04:39 AM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Kas, welcome to Male survivor!
It is great that you've joined us here. I must say that it hurts me reading your story and your experience with therapy. Please be aware that is not real way to threat someone with issues -I'm referring to prison like mental institution. We humans are very fragile beings and treating people without any empathy can bee very traumatic experience.
I've understood that you can't by books from Amazon but what about free pdf articles and such stuff? I've had plenty of it but unfortunately I've formatted my hard disk recently, anyway it is possible to find some.
Must say that my best friend visited your country last summer, he had great time there (he needed to pretend to be there by work for some foreign company) and told me about way young people are living there, having secret parties and such stuff.
I'm coming from very mixed country with strong muslim heritage (but I'm christian) anyway many my friends are Muslims although
they are Sunnis. That is reason why I like to learn as much as possible about other cultures smile
Keep sharing with us further. I like to learn more about you!
Pero
_________________________
My story

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#406096 - 08/07/12 10:20 AM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
Kas Offline


Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 15
Hi Pero and thank you very much for your kind and healing words :)btw are you Turkish or Bosnian? I ask it because there are only tho countries in south-eastern Europe that matches your details. however some people still believe Turkey is not an official part of Europe and Bosnia is not exactly in the corner of Sought-Eastern Europe so I may be wrong.

Free pdf articles? that would be great ^^ if you don't mind please PM me around which site you found them and I will do the rest, thanks again!

And yes we may be limited by a religious dictatorship but It's not going to effect the hunger of 70% of our population(the youth population of Iran). we have underground parties, underground Drink shops, underground music makers, underground singers, underground film makers and many more. If you would like to learn more I suggest you to watch This movie(if you found any good subtitle for it) for better understanding, the movie is not legal to be shown in Iran and it's about underground musicians and other underground stuff in Iran smile


Edited by Kas (08/07/12 10:41 PM)

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#406097 - 08/07/12 10:21 AM Re: Hello, new here [Re: Kas]
Kas Offline


Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 15
Oh I thought BB codes work here, my apologies.

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