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#405777 - 08/03/12 11:00 PM My Older Cousin
anonNYC Offline


Registered: 08/03/12
Posts: 2

I recently read a thread titled My Cousin

This is almost identical to what happened to me. I spent alot of time at my grandparents house, and my mother has a big family. From the age of about 7 to 12 I was abused by my female cousin at my grandmothers house.
Statements like "All I knew was she, my cousin, did things that no one else did, and for some reason, I couldn't tell anyone." Sum it up so perfectly, and I have been searching for that way of saying it out loud. I still cannot even think about it without tearing up and feeling an overwhelming depression, but I know I'm healing. For almost 20 years I avoided any close relationships/friendships.

Since I've admitted and faced what happened to me I have an been able to have get engaged to an amazing woman who is the only person other then my former therapist who I was able to tell about this. She has shown me that I can love someone, and also be loved.

Sometimes, I have bad days, and I can't perform sexually, I'm only a year into this process and have to accept and move past setbacks, and each time I do, I feel more empowered, and the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter. This will not be an easy journey, but each day I stay on path my life improves. It helps to know I'm not alone, and to anyone out there who feels they are...you're not, and you don't have to deal with it alone.

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#405808 - 08/04/12 07:42 AM Re: My Older Cousin [Re: anonNYC]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Hello AnonNYC and welcome,

Being betrayed by those we are closest to is difficult to overcome. You have been able to begin to voice the emotional turmoil, that is very encouraging. The feelings will minimize as you go through them, for healing is about working through obstacles, understanding why they block survivors from intimacy and healthy relationships with themselves and others.

Isolating, feeling alone is a safety mechanism for survivors. We feel safe wit ourselves, but the perpetrator is still in our heads, and so in truth, we are not alone. Seeking connections with positive, healthy, affirming people creates a desire in us to resolve the past trauma and live a fuller life.

I enjoy your hope and determination, Anon, I look forward to your shares in future posts.

Continue to heal fellow survivor,
Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#405828 - 08/04/12 01:38 PM Re: My Older Cousin [Re: anonNYC]
anonNYC Offline


Registered: 08/03/12
Posts: 2
I am still struggling with why intimacy is so foreign to me, I love my fiancée but sex isnt very intimate I'm working towards improving and overcoming that, but I've never been so challenged by anything in my life.

I've been alone for so long and used porn, drugs, and women who wanted no connection with me to fulfill needs, but intimacy is just something I've never had, it's so difficult to put someone else through it even knowing that she understands why I am this way doesn't stop it from being painful.

This site has done so much for me, when I first heard of it I wouldn't even read it, and now I'm posting on here because you all make me feel comfortable attacking the demons My therapist, who was a great confidant, moved away about 7 months ago and while I've tried others I just couldn't feel the comfort expressing myself as I do here.

It's such a horrible feeling being alone and I know I'm not anymore.

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