I was invisible, but not to “them”. They found me somehow when I was 6 and they used me.

They lied to me, they said they “loved” me and they wanted me.

It was a lie and I believed it because I was little and I trusted them. They were nice at first.

I was invisible at home. I did not feel wanted or much love there. I was not even supposed to be born, but I was. My mom loved me, but sometimes she was invisible too.

I was invisible at home, except if I was bad, then I was visible. I got hit and called bad things till it was over. I could be invisible again.

They found me wandering, needing to be loved by someone, anyone. I was little and I was their target.

They threatened me and then they taught me bad things. They told me that “it” was all I was good for. I was visible to them. I believed them. I was little.

I was invisible at school. I was sad and lonely and invisible. So I acted out for them. I learned to do as I was told.

Their love was fake, but fake was better then nothing.

I grew up sad and angry, and I stayed invisible.

Years passed and no one saw me.

Then, I became visible. She could see me when I was still invisible to others. She rescued me. She is my miracle.

She taught me I was lied to. Taught me that I am not defined by abuse.

She taught me it does not matter where I have been, only where I am going.

She taught me I have value and showed me I am loved.

She showed me “they” did not take all of my innocence. Some part of me is still a boy and I still have that inside. That part will always be safe, I will make sure of that now.

I learned to forgive because if frees me even more. The bad people are still responsible.

I learned I still have a lot to sort but I am sorting now.

I am young and old at the same time. I still hurt because I cannot understand some things.

But, I will find a safe place in the world now. I will be who I was meant to be.

I will live, and “they” will not have won. I am visible, and I will be free!

--------


10-30-12:

The Spirit says to quietly stand, follow His pace and guiding hand.

Some days I feel invisible still, as false friends slam me with judgments still. Angry, stupid, thoughtless boy, but now their words won't take my joy.

I am new, and they do not see, the person who was always me. My counselor says I'll be totally free. I believe in her, because she believes in me!

Very nice, you are lucky, who is she?

GOOD JOB Buffalo!!!!!!!

thats really great words ,u felt the pain and changed it into something good ,a hope ,a way out ,thats really great buddy ,i really hope things will get better for u

Buffalo - really good!

great sense of your self becoming stronger and moving forward.

well done - in real life -and in the poem!!

(i can identify with what you wrote.)

Lee

Great insightful words Buffalo, give us more
Pero

Of all the good lines in this poem, I think this one is the best:

"I am young and old at the same time. I still hurt because I cannot understand some things."

I think you could write two more poems with each of these sentences as a first line. There's a lot to explore here.

Keep it up.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I don't know that there is more in me to write yet. I know I am at a place where it all can move forward, I just don't know how yet. A T can help me figure that out when I get back to one, and help me put all the parts of myself together that still feel separated, like they are frozen in time. I won't give up and thanks again.

Gotta say 2 that what Im afraid of in meeting with a T again is that it'll cause me to loose the parts of me that are still innocent that I held on to. I don't want to loose that. They r the few good things I had from being a kid and without them it would be like the whole thing was bad then. So Im afraid of that but maybe a new T can help.

Sorry I left chat without saying goodbye, Buffalo. My computer froze up.

If you're enrolled at a college or university, it's almost certain that you could get a T though the school's health care provider.

Don't be afraid to ask.