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#405515 - 08/01/12 11:49 AM Repressed Memories
Afldman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/12/12
Posts: 67
Loc: Pacific Northwest
I know this has probably been discussed previously, but it is very new to me...

Yesterday I had a memory surface after many years of believing I knew everything that happened to me. The worst part is that I believe it to be just skimming the surface and that scares the hell out of me. But, how do you know.

In another post, someone mentioned an effect their spouse suffered from, from a specific abuse. I never thought I suffered that, but I have had the same effect.

It's all pretty raw right now, but I'm preparing for a hell of a crash.

Peter


Edited by Afldman (08/01/12 11:51 AM)
_________________________
"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." -Daliai Lama

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#405582 - 08/01/12 10:59 PM Re: Repressed Memories [Re: Afldman]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3392
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Afldman -

yeah - that has happened to me too. several times. you can get through it. but it can be hell when it is happening.

some things that others here suggested that have helped me:
remind yourself that it is in the past and that you are safe now.
try to be aware of your present surroundings and the physical objects surrounding you.
Tell yourself that this experience and the thoughts and feelings are temporary and will pass soon.
practice controlled, timed, deep breathing.
Consciously relax your body - let the muscle tension go and take a less defensive posture.
Afterwards - do whatever you need to - to process it in a healthy way - exercise or write it out, talk thorough it with a supporter, friend or counselor, listen to music, etc. - and avoid the self-destructive tactics - isolation, acting out, substance use, etc.
Come back and tell us about it - one of my favorites. the affirmation and support are very reassuring and healing.

It has gotten less difficult for me as time goes on and i get better at dealing with "new" old memories. hope you don't have to practice it too much!

Remember - you ARE a survivor!
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#405586 - 08/01/12 11:14 PM Re: Repressed Memories [Re: Afldman]
Afldman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/12/12
Posts: 67
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Thanks Lee. Just having a response helps. I have been intentionally ignoring the situation as best I can, but that too has consequences. Sever lack of concentration, and isolating myself. I was just starting to get past that part too.
Two steps forward and one back is still progress, right?

Peter
_________________________
"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." -Daliai Lama

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#405592 - 08/02/12 12:12 AM Re: Repressed Memories [Re: Afldman]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
I too have “new” memories. It has been over 2 years since I first had the flash back of my abuse at 8. Now I am having new flashbacks from a different perpetrator at 17. I knew that there were more repressed memories, but didn’t know they were of a different perpetrator. The idea that I might have more that I am completely un-aware of…

Originally Posted By: Afldman
I believe it to be just skimming the surface and that scares the hell out of me.


If you feel it is just scratching the surface, you are probably right. Intuitively / Subconsciously you know, you just aren’t fully consciously of the events yet.

You might be surprised how many people have experienced what you are experiencing now. Some people have even experienced the same with a less traumatic event like a car wreck. So many people don’t remember the car wreck and may or may not remember it later. Interesting how people don’t expect you to remember a car wreck, but don’t believe that the far more traumatic sexual assault / sexual abuse / rape, could possibly be repressed. But sometimes pointing out the car wreck repression as a result of trauma helps…

It got better, now its worse, but

Originally Posted By: traveler
i get better at dealing with "new" old memories.

_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

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#405625 - 08/02/12 08:57 AM Re: Repressed Memories [Re: Afldman]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 611
Loc: VA
Originally Posted By: Afldman
The worst part is that I believe it to be just skimming the surface and that scares the hell out of me. But, how do you know.
Peter


Afldman: I agree, waiting for another shoe to drop is scary, especially when the first one was so sudden and terrible. I've mentioned this to a few T's over the years, and all they can suggest is learning to diffuse the tension created by (to use a different metaphor) "holding that door shut." Maybe more of the past will emerge, maybe not. Thus far, I've been waiting 18 years--so I have to keep reminding myself not to miss the present while I'm under assault from the past. As we chanted in the 1960's, "Whaddaya want? Peace! When do you want it? Now!"

John

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#405642 - 08/02/12 03:41 PM Re: Repressed Memories [Re: Afldman]
Afldman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/12/12
Posts: 67
Loc: Pacific Northwest
It's a better day today. I had been really strugling to just keep my head above water as it was. All the old habits came rushing back ... isolationing myself, significant depression, lethargy (if that means feeling lethargic...), paranoia, self esteem dropped...you know.

Somehow, I got up this morning and poof...back to normal. Of course, I'm back from my trip last night, so I slept in my own bed, go to work with a "typical" schedule, eating normal...and refusing to even think about it. One brief memory flash this am, but I quickly squashed that.

Thanks guys...this is why I'm here! Peter
_________________________
"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." -Daliai Lama

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