I will be 39 later this month and I will admit to being a fool. My parents were my perpetrators. Even to the current day, I am still living in a fantasy world. I believe my parents will change and they will be nice to me. Reality check: even if they change, nothing will change what they did to me. They didn't give me the love and kindness when I needed it. I didn't feel safe around them. I grew up worrying they would rape and murder me on a daily basis. Yet, even as I write this, I still miss them. I fantasize about talking to them and the family. I have happy dreams where we can all be in the same room together. That's fantasy. Reality check: I hated them, I hated my friends I had when I was growing up, and I hated where I grew up. The best thing to do: let that go and build a life for myself outside the abuse. Someone recommended a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "Bad Childhood, Happy Life." I haven't read it but I like the concept.