I've posted my story here before but to summarize, I was sexually abused as an early teen by two men from the internet, and it continued for a couple of years. This occurred during a very emotional time for me as I had recently lost my father and these individuals preyed on my need for that kind of connection in my life, and their actions greatly twisted my perceptions on what that relationship is.

But aside from that, I have always believed I was abused long before that but am unable to remember it. When I think back on those two guys I became entangled with, I think some part of me was predisposed to thinking that what they were doing was normal. I think I have always equated paternal love with sex and that cannot simply be an accident. Hopefully that makes sense but I'm not sure.

I am 30 years old and don't consider myself gay. I would say I'm definitely bisexual because, right or wrong, the experiences I had in those early teen years solidified themselves in my mind and have been repeated many times since, as part of me will always be attracted to that, I think. But I do not get emotionally attached to men at all.

The issue on my mind is whether or not a specific attraction stems from an event or trigger caused by an experience. I'm asking because while I maintain relationships with women (as much as I can anyway), I have always had a strong sexual attraction to specific types of men with very specific looks/ personalities. And my attraction to men is limited specifically to this type.

The thing is, neither my father nor the two other men match this "type" that has always been in my head, almost at a subconscious level. It is so strong and so pervasive that at this point I've started to wonder if it is ingrained in my mind for a reason. Is it possible that I feel this way because of something that happened to me caused by a man who shares these characteristics?

I'm at the point where I'm lost as to what to do. Like I said, this is not an emotional attraction in terms of "love" and "relationship" emotion. It's more of a sexual attraction combined with a 'father figure' thing which even as I type, sounds twisted. But the point is to get answers so I'm being as honest as I can. I know that it's not normal to look at an individual and feel both of those things, so it has to stem from somewhere.

Can an attraction like this stem from a specific abuser?

It's my story, just different characters

It's not twisted, it's exactly how I feel all the time,while being married with two growing boys....my father didn't die, amdvi mean no disrespect, but god how in prayed he would, itbwas the perfect storm, he called me horrible names, then I would leave house to seek some father figure and bed up being molested

For me, the answer is yes, SSA was forged during the abuse and other factors leading up to the sbuse:

And it is more helpful for me to examine what was going on in my life at the time of the abuse:

loneliness, feeling isolated and detached from the males in my family, not feeling confident or athletic at the time of the abuse, not feeling powerful.

The teens who abused me represented solutions to these inner problems, some of which I've struggled with years later.

The key for me is recognizing these deeper needs that were damaged further by the abuse, and finding healthy ways of connecting, affirming myself, and getting these young boy needs met in my life today.

Thanks for the replies. I'm always trying to understand the root of this specific attraction. I think it is connected to an experience but I have no recollection of an individual in my life that i can think of that would fit the bill, which makes it more confusing. I do have a vague memory of a random person my father knew who I know gave us toys and was friendly but I can't place anything else about him. It's more of a nagging feeling in my gut. As I said in my post, the two men I met with in my early teens do not resemble this specific "type" (but they fulfilled an emotional need), so this type doesn't stem from them.

I just want to try to confirm if that's a possibility--that this type is ingrained in my mind specifically because of an abuser, even though I can't remember it.

I would have to say that your experiences with CSA definitely mould who you become attracted to later in life, especially if you don't think you would have developed that SSA 'naturally'.

I'm fairly certain that my SSA was both caused and shaped by my experiences, but for me strangely there doesn't seem to be a direct relationship. All of my CSA was at the hands of other kids in my life and as far as I am able to remember, my SA was at the hands of an averagely built middle aged man.

However I seem to be most attracted to older, slightly overweight men in my later life, and am actually usually turned off by men who are extremely fit physically or under a certain age. I haven't yet been able to reconcile this in my mind.

Maybe I'm attracted to men who I preceive are old enough to 'take care of me' or some such. Or, I also fear as you do, that there might have been something that happened to me that I don't yet remember, something I've repressed to the point that I simply can't remember it.

So enough rambling, the answer to your initial question I think would definitely be a yes, our experiences shape our sexual attractions, but in what way they shape them is another story.

Kaene.... Exactly my situation. The "hunk" type men...really handsome in shape men do nothing for me. Its the older, slightly out of shape average Joe types that get me attention everywhere I go. I also have noticed that the age keeps going up as I get older.

Funny, I was coming here to post this exact topic--didn't realize I already did almost a year ago. Guess it's still on my mind! These things come in waves I guess. As I get older and dare I say wiser, I'm trying to really understand all of this stuff, and this is a big piece of it.

I got some good feedback and maybe this is more of a clinical question for the docs on the site, but what I'm trying to understand is if this very specific, and I have admit *extremely* pervasive attraction I have is the result of abuse that I can't remember, perhaps at an earlier age than the abuse I *do* remember?

To reiterate my point, when I was 13 I was approached on the internet by a 45 year old man who I proceeded to have a sexual relationship with. Not long after that was a second man, very similar circumstances, which went on for a few years. So I know that happened and I've been dealing with the rammifications in all their forms ever since.

But one thing I've never been able to understand is that I have a deep attraction to a specific type of man, which does not resemeble either of these two guys in anyway. The interactions I had with them absolutely messed with my wiring in a way I'm not I'll ever get over, but none of that accounts for this specific attraction.

For many reasons, I have always felt that there was more abuse when I was much younger that preceeded the stuff when I was 13, but I have no specific memories of anything occurring, which I know could be caused by repression... Is it a stretch to think that my deep-seeded and very specific attraction stems from the fact that I was abused by someone who fits this description? If that's not it, then what could cause a guy to be attracted to middle aged, gray haired men with glasses wearing a suit? (It's THAT specific!!)

It feels weird to type all this out but I guess that's the point. I have been trying to figure out for years if I was abused as a young child but both my parents are deceased and my extended family is essentially useless. It would really give me a place to start if I knew that it's at least possible that this attraction is caused by a specific person/incident.

Hey Mets,

I am not sure anyone here can answer that question for you. There are many men who have not been abused that are attracted to specific types of women and/or men. These are sexual preferences based on the individual. There are also many men who are attracted to certain types of men and/or women because of the sexual imprinting left on them by the sexual abuse. And further still, there are men who act out sexually with men and/or women in an attempt to master the trauma.

As you can see, sex and sexuality is a landmine. An area of my life I have yet to make sense of, but I am reading as much as I can. Have you asked yourself why linking this specific attraction to sexual abuse is so important to you? I only bring this up because as you mentioned, you may not be able to successfully answer the question, and so any answer you do get will be theoretical at best.

I hope any of this helps.

I agree, there is no why to the WHY sometimes.

I know my preferences have changed now, but more about the character than the quick heart flutter. When i think about it now, the perp was very masculine. Blue collar, huntsman,drove a pick-up. Perhaps it why i am not attracted to feminine men.

Moreover , now i am just trying to be ok with whatever my libido likes , just letting my big brain make the choices of attraction vs something that would be more. The genesis of things like fetishes and specific attractions are often not really able to be understood, ever.

Dude, you have aleady started. Its more about the here and now, those answers may forever be mysteries. That is ok

The attraction is the attraction, maybe add some new ones by not limiting yourself, be open and honest. You never know.

A friend said she loved to cook, til her kids moved out and she started playing golf. Turns out she loves golf. Cooking - meh. lol