Newest Members
PaulnMA, andrewmartin, Aurigny, Luther, LuckyCharm
12252 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
closerthenveins (26), Nvolpicelli (24), Sven (19)
Who's Online
2 registered (gatoonfanatic, 1 invisible), 34 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12252 Members
73 Forums
63113 Topics
441363 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 6 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 >
Topic Options
#350324 - 01/11/11 12:09 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: weharry1959]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
For me, it has been a struggle being out/gay but if I had a choice I wouldn't change a thing, well at least the part of me being gay...

I was raised Southern Baptist, the whole fire and brimstone philosphy of living. Honestly it scared me senseless. To the point where I just threw religion, god and everything else related to it away... I knew I was gay, born that way... I couldn't stop being gay... but I could stop being religious...

It has only been recently that I have started to connect to my own spirituality... I think in the end, I had to find my own way to my higher power. My faith is a different than the christian faith and especially the way I was raised on. I no longer beleive that I or anyone else is going to hell.

Yes, strides have been made when it comes to gay rights and how others feel about it but there are still others who not only think its wrong and we are going to hell, but they treat others who are gay badly... It is hard to not take it personal and get a complex... That is what I did, I let my families feelings towards religion and being gay cloud who I was...

I too was letting others determine who I was and that has affected me very deeply. I am tired of living in fear... I even let them steal my spirituality. They have stolen so much, I won't allow them to take that as well...

I find it sad that others rob those who are glbtq from having their own kind of spirituality, whatever it is. For me, with my healing, it has become very important. I like to think of my higher power as Mother Earth... It helps to comfort me... Faith to me is hope....

This certainly isn't a tough world we live in and not just for gay people. Acceptance is hard thing to do deal with especially when you add in religion. Growing up anyone that is different is isolated and picked on... Plus if you add family dysfuction and CSA, it all can be too confusing when you are trying to figure everything out, especially your sexuality...

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

Top
#350331 - 01/11/11 03:03 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: diamondheart]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1388
Loc: California
I hear you Brother,

I was also raised in a southern baptist / evangelical christian family. My mom remarried when I was 5 to a traveling evangelist preacher.

He retired his preaching but was still fervently involved in southern baptist. It was traumatizing to me as well. Not only did I have questions about what was going on with the abuse, but couldn't ask, and assumed it was normal - but I had serious questions about what the Bible was saying and how I saw reality. For a while there, I simply denied reality and decided to follow Jesus Christ and started carrying my bible to school. I came damn close to being one of those kids standing on the street corner preaching.

But puberty hit me. And it was like God was cursing me. I'd done everything right and here I was living this miserable life, and whammo, puberty confirms a growing suspicion . I'm gay. I was so angry for so long about that.

Acceptance is hard, but achievable. For me it meant exploring my sexuality, exploring my feelings, meeting other gay guys and talking to them about my issues and listening to them about theirs. I soon realized that I was normal, and it was society that has to do some growing up.

We gay folk have the added bonus of being privy to a little known secret - that the world *IS* changing, and is heading in OUR direction. We're just ahead of the curve.

Your mentioning finding Spirituality is awesome. I also think that's an integral part of recovery. After becoming an athiest, I refound my "higher power" last year, and am satisfied with my relationship to it thus far.

Glad to meet you as we both boldly go forward.

D



Edited by tdillon (01/18/11 05:59 PM)
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Top
#350990 - 01/16/11 11:31 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: survivedwithlife]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

Top
#352449 - 01/31/11 08:56 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: lostcowboy]
many_mees Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/09
Posts: 286
I'll add my voice to this growing list of guys in response.
I have always liked guys. Always. Am I gay? i'd like to say that I enjoy relationships with men in all aspects, including sexual. if that makes me "gay" then so be it. I lable myself "Bi" because I can enjoy sex with either sex, male or female.

Be that as it may, i was also one of the So. Baptist kids who was scared to death about death and hell and sin. God had been this Big Bad guy who was condemning of everything. Well, now in my late 50's Im having a crisis in my "religious" walk, and it isn't working for me anymore.

I go to church, listen to the same rhetoric about how God hates sin (and apparently me cause I am Bi)and walk away from it feeling more and more condemned than when I began a Christian walk.

So I'm leaving the faith. I'll continue to take my wife cause she enjoys it. It is all she has ever known of life. But i myself am just the tranportation.

As to the question. "Can one be gay and be a survivor?"

Absolutely! I'm one and I don't doubt there are millions of others. And, btw, God loves us ALL.

just my 2cents.


Top
#352572 - 02/01/11 08:31 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: many_mees]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Absolutely, one can be gay and a survivor.

I believe we are born with sexuality alone - with a preference one for the other or even both. THE CSA or being a survivor is a HUGE complication for ALL.

WE can be subdivided into being assaulted by A/one man or woman or a combination of men and women. This just complicates it.

After being "out" for 20 years AFTER being married and now during recovery of the CSA I am STILL and loving accept my attractions to men and women.

HOPE this helps, You will find your own path.

Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

Top
#352769 - 02/04/11 07:23 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: Avery46]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
The wisdom of you guys here is wonderful; you're making the world a more loving, accepting and much better place to be.

_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

Top
#352907 - 02/05/11 08:44 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: 1.healing]
oriolesguy Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 106
Loc: Long Island, NY
OK.... I'll chime in on this one.

Perhaps my opinion is out of line, because I'm straight. But here's what I think.

First of all, rape is not primarily an act of sex. It is an act of violence, first and foremost. It is an act of control and degradation. Sex is the means that perpetrators use to exhibit those things. For years I thought there must be something wrong with ME. Not so.

I can't see this as a gay/straight issue. If I were raped by a woman, I wouldn't ask myself, "Can one be straight and be a survivor?" The question is being a survivor, period. Clearly a survivor may examine their sexuality, their sexual behavior, and all that. And I think therapy can help in sorting all that out. But I think (at least I hope) that gay guys who have been raped can move forward and lead healthy fulfilling lives.

We're all in it together. Everyone who is a rape victim, male or female, gay or straight, has to analyze how it has affected them. Yes, it affects our relationships, and our lives. But being raped can't make someone gay, any more than it can make a person straight. I think we're all pre-programmed there. Nor does it make the victim a pervert, a psycho, a second class citizen, demented or any of that other shit. It simply makes us victims.

All of us need fulfillment in our personal and sexual lives. Rape can be a major setback to that, but hopefully we can recover, and help/understand other guys who are in this position. In the end, gay or straight.... doesn't matter.

oriolesguy


Top
#352933 - 02/06/11 12:53 PM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: oriolesguy]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: oriolesguy
....It is an act of violence, first and foremost. It is an act of control and degradation. Sex is the means that perpetrators use to exhibit those things.


I have probably been told the above before BUT, I finally get it.

I have inappropriately been putting my sexual preference in the same "box" as the sexual assault.

Thanks, oriolesguy for making the above statement.

Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

Top
#363263 - 05/30/11 02:53 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: weharry1959]
elsnorlax143 Offline


Registered: 05/30/11
Posts: 2
Loc: New York
this has touched me profoundly in a way that i desperately needed. i'm sitting here in tears because i've never been able to really speak about what happened with many people. i've spent my life trying to fix myself in the name of god, trying to be straight and cast off the shackles that the abuse i went through gave me but this helped me realize that these are not shackles, they are simply a part of who i am. it is going to take some time, but i definitely plan on embracing who i am. thank you for your testimony, it is powerful and it was just what i needed.

-D


Top
#365402 - 07/04/11 02:15 AM Re: can one be gay and be a survior? [Re: elsnorlax143]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
I posted this already, but the web site moved stuff around. If you go to homosexuality you will find a very interesting bible study. In the study it states that some parts of the bible were translated wrong.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

Top
Page 2 of 6 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.