Newest Members
Lumpy, squeekinby, rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms
12369 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
freddie (65), Max10 (56), Medos (46), PJinLB (47), TheWookinizer (27), tofeno (40)
Who's Online
3 registered (traveler, Obi, tbkkfile), 12 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12369 Members
74 Forums
63579 Topics
444199 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#400085 - 06/11/12 12:21 AM Where am I going? What am I doing?
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 215
Loc: Tucson Arizona
Disclaimer: I'm in a wierd mood and pissed off. I hope I make sense.





I'm 23 years old and I feel like I'm wasting my life. I work at a Deli and live with two other guys.
I don't have much of a family (for obvious reasons)
I feel like I'm stuck. I hate happy people. They scare me.
I want to go to school and be a gunsmith but why am I setting my sights so low? (pun intended).
I'm a really smart guy and could get a way better paying job if I went to school. I don't want to go to school because I'm lazy. I just drink and go shooting (not at the same time of course) and jerk off. Ocassionally I get laid but really hot girls don't like me because I'm not very confident or when I am confident I'm still wierd/crazy/ akward Even though I'm in good shape, tall and good looking. What the hell is wrong with these chicks?! lol
I don't like people but I want to be social.
I want to be sexual but it's terrifying. I don't have any goals except I want another handgun. I want a Colt Delta Elite in 10mm. It's a badass pistol and an engineering marvel. Guess what, it costs just under a grand. lol wtf?! I should probably buy something better like a new car or save my money... but noooo.
I'm still a child and I hate it. I wish I knew the secret to life that all these happy ass jive ass people know. God they annoy me.
I want to be a man but I don't feel like I am.
I just sit around wasting time because I'm scared. I'm a coward. I need to quit my griping and start making changes. Maybe I should stop putting up walls.
Maybe I should just light a fire under my butt and get moving. But what do I want from life? I don't know. I'm confused about what relationships mean and I'm confused about my sexuality. Sorry for the rant.
Henri
_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

Top
#400087 - 06/11/12 12:25 AM Re: Where am I going? What am I doing? [Re: kinghenri]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 215
Loc: Tucson Arizona
Wow. I said something real.
I'm on a roll here lol.
One thing I wanted to add is that I feel that the novelty of life is gone.
Nothing is exciting anymore. I can't just chill and be in the moment because i'm so fuckex up. I know I want my life back but I don't know how.
_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

Top
#400116 - 06/11/12 12:51 PM Re: Where am I going? What am I doing? [Re: kinghenri]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1402
Loc: California
Living a life of unrelenting honesty can be quite thrilling and nerve cracking and promotes healing. wink

I'd say more but I'm typing thus on my phone

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Top
#400134 - 06/11/12 04:01 PM Re: Where am I going? What am I doing? [Re: kinghenri]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Henri,

I know the feelings you describe so very well. The feeling that all of life's joy is gone and all that is left is grey. So many of us are searching for ourselves. The abuse strips away who we were meant to be and at times it feels like we are forever searching. I know what that feels like my friend. I am right there with you. Heal well bro.

Daniel
_________________________
I am the warrior.

Top
#400163 - 06/11/12 08:44 PM Re: Where am I going? What am I doing? [Re: kinghenri]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 215
Loc: Tucson Arizona
Well today is better. Thanks for the replies guys. I appreciate it.
_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

Top
#403643 - 07/14/12 06:27 PM Re: Where am I going? What am I doing? [Re: kinghenri]
Mark1981 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/22/11
Posts: 17
You seem like a pretty self-aware person, especially for a 23 year old. We all go through ups and downs... you'll get it figured out. I always appreciate you sharing--I've seen your youtube videos and I really respect and admire you. Thanks for posting; hope to read more soon.

Top
#405114 - 07/28/12 12:06 PM Re: Where am I going? What am I doing? [Re: kinghenri]
peacemaker67 Offline


Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 45
Loc: WI
Hey kinghenri,

came across your post on another DB this morning...
reading this one of yours is quite interesting.
I would hope what I am about to say can help your struggle some...I don't feel that my character as a person really started to become solid at about 23 years of age as a male, regardless of what else I endured. I think that is a normal churning to "settle" and what you have shared mimics that, I think...your desire to find a direction, desires for what you want to become...that is all very healthy my friend. I agree with Mark1981 very much.
Smart man, you sound like you have a lot of this nailed down! That is awesome. I don't think it's necessarily unhealthy to get upset at happy people...if we were content we would simply be satisfied with what we had and would never reach for more...but I hope you can find encouragement in all of this and truly get your direction you seek. You sound like an awesome young guy.
Be encouraged in that you care as much as you do. You're not lazy ...if you were lazy you wouldn't care enough to even post.
Share some more man...this is good stuff...
Later,
Peace
*Wishing you the best!
_________________________
-Love is love when it is free; love is love when others don't feed on you as a "need". If we reach one person with betterment, and in turn that one reaches another, what power we have to change the world."

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.