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#405266 - 07/30/12 03:15 AM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
MissesMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/21/12
Posts: 8
Loc: USA
I'm overwhelmed by so many responding to me. Thank You.
I just have to keep my mind from continually going to that , "What If", thought. Just depresses me.


Edited by MissesMe (07/30/12 05:30 AM)

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#405338 - 07/30/12 09:19 PM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
MissesMe --

You, sir, are amazing. That kind of brutal honesty tears my gut out, as it should. Disjointed? Not at all.

I've only been on here a couple weeks myself.

You mentioned not being able to afford therapy. I mentioned this to another "newbie"...yeah, like I'm NOT? ;-)

You might have a similar option in your area if you Google some keywords. I found a CSA survivor resource with the county government. Only contacted them a few days ago - they took very, very basic information - so I can't report back on quality of services, etc. My understanding, too, is that whatever is said in session is covered by medical privacy laws.

Again, MissesMe, welcome...and thank you for the detailed honesty. I have an idea of what it took to write it all down. You're a hero.

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#405371 - 07/31/12 04:53 AM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
MissesMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/21/12
Posts: 8
Loc: USA
I'm no hero, never want to be one. Just want to get healed. Want the pain and sadness to go away, but I know it's part of me now. I can never have the life that I should have had, that was stolen so many years ago, but I can't let it take me over. I have to let it go. I must in time forgive those that hurt me. sometime....

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#405381 - 07/31/12 08:19 AM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1778
I agree many of us become doormats. But there are good people out there who treat us with respect and as a human being and remember the good things we do. They do not always expect to be on the receiving end, they give as well. I was feeling a bit low this morning, but just got off the phone with my clients--wonderful people, we laughed, joked and they said thank you for a great job--they invited me out to Annapolis--their new home--for crabs. People like this, make life worth living--and mitigate the damage others do.

continue to heal, feel safe--because without safety healing is difficult.

Kevin


Edited by KMCINVA (07/31/12 08:22 AM)

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#405565 - 08/01/12 07:22 PM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
lol...Capt. Scully didn't want to be a hero either.

Okay, you don't believe me ;-) {{{{{MissesMe}}}}}

imo, a hero isn't necessarily a musclebound Roger Ramjet 6-foot-something. I rather like the deinition, "ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances," and here we all are! Welcome aboard!

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#436468 - 06/01/13 07:08 AM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
MissesMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/21/12
Posts: 8
Loc: USA
Been so long since I've been on here. Trying as best I can to cope with so many feelings. I shouldn't have to do it alone, but I have no other choice. Tried to do the "T" thing, but she was too demanding, what with all the paperwork I had to keep filling out.(10-12 pages of numerous questions), about how I felt about this n that. And not just 1 set of papers, several times, like she had no idea how to go about trying to help. God,I felt I was back in grade school. Made me start feeling like I was back in that time, so had to stop seeing her.

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#436500 - 06/01/13 07:23 PM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 336
Loc: Iowa, USA
MissesMe,
I am sorry for the events that brought you here. This is a safe place and the comfort given by the guys here are truly healing. Your comment that you cannot have the life you were meant to have is a feeling shared by so many of us. It is natural to mourn this loss. All is not lost though, because while we have not chosen the path we've been on, we have been taught something that cannot be learned elsewhere. With this knowledge, we can act to prevent CSA from happening to other kids. If we can keep kids safe, and prevent just one child from experiencing the life we've led, we can transform the world into a better place, and our hurt will not have been in vain. I wish you healing.

DavO

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#436790 - 06/04/13 04:00 AM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3518
Loc: O Kanada
congratulations on getting started.
thank you for sharing all that stuff about yourself.
that takes courage.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it."
- Victor Hugo

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
- Nelson Mandela

welcome to the website.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#438112 - 06/13/13 09:39 PM . [Re: MissesMe]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#445668 - 08/28/13 04:18 AM Re: Tired of feeling like a doormat. (Triggers) [Re: MissesMe]
MissesMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/21/12
Posts: 8
Loc: USA
I'm a little better at dealing with my past. It doesn't hurt as much as it did. I won't forgive my parents, as I probably should. They were suffering from alcoholism, and didn't have any incling how to raise children, or cared to find out. "I" was the unfortunate child that didn't get the attention I needed to become what I had the right to be. My older brother did get most of the attention, being my fathers favorite, and my mother couldn't have cared less. The discipline was doled out to me, as if I were the "bad" child. I was blamed for everything, and got beaten for it, not just by my father, but both. I was teased constantly by my brother, and other neighbor hood kids to the point of crying, then teased bout that. I was told by my mother that if the child that she miscarried was born, then I wouldn't have been her child, which, is something I didn't need to hear at 10 years old. I remember thinking if I was adopted, and remembering asking several times. I knew that "adopted" children weren't treated like the "real" children, so I must have been adopted. But then, I've never seen my original birth certificate, so......
more later as I sort through every thing

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