I'm overwhelmed by so many responding to me. Thank You.
I just have to keep my mind from continually going to that , "What If", thought. Just depresses me.

MissesMe --

You, sir, are amazing. That kind of brutal honesty tears my gut out, as it should. Disjointed? Not at all.

I've only been on here a couple weeks myself.

You mentioned not being able to afford therapy. I mentioned this to another "newbie"...yeah, like I'm NOT? ;-)

You might have a similar option in your area if you Google some keywords. I found a CSA survivor resource with the county government. Only contacted them a few days ago - they took very, very basic information - so I can't report back on quality of services, etc. My understanding, too, is that whatever is said in session is covered by medical privacy laws.

Again, MissesMe, welcome...and thank you for the detailed honesty. I have an idea of what it took to write it all down. You're a hero.

I'm no hero, never want to be one. Just want to get healed. Want the pain and sadness to go away, but I know it's part of me now. I can never have the life that I should have had, that was stolen so many years ago, but I can't let it take me over. I have to let it go. I must in time forgive those that hurt me. sometime....

I agree many of us become doormats. But there are good people out there who treat us with respect and as a human being and remember the good things we do. They do not always expect to be on the receiving end, they give as well. I was feeling a bit low this morning, but just got off the phone with my clients--wonderful people, we laughed, joked and they said thank you for a great job--they invited me out to Annapolis--their new home--for crabs. People like this, make life worth living--and mitigate the damage others do.

continue to heal, feel safe--because without safety healing is difficult.

Kevin

lol...Capt. Scully didn't want to be a hero either.

Okay, you don't believe me ;-) {{{{{MissesMe}}}}}

imo, a hero isn't necessarily a musclebound Roger Ramjet 6-foot-something. I rather like the deinition, "ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances," and here we all are! Welcome aboard!