Many of the issues you speak to are adressed in the article linked within the MaleSurvivor mainpage menu. The article I refer to is titled, Looking Through a Gendered Lens
by Lindsey Getz. Some relevant exepts:
"We’re all socialized to believe that men are resilient and self-sufficient,” says Richard Gartner, PhD. “We’re led to believe that men are not victims and they don’t turn down sex—they’re in charge of sex. All of these things make it difficult for a man to acknowledge he’s been victimized. Often men will even rewrite the history and say they were the one who was in charge of the situation or they’ll say it didn’t bother or affect them
“Some perpetrators may use it against their victim, making them think that because they were aroused it was their fault,” says Ken Singer, MSW, LCSW, executive director of New Jersey’s Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers and past president of MaleSurvivor, “or say, ‘You’re gay—look, you have an erection.’” Singer, who is the author of Evicting the Perpetrator: A Male Survivor’s Guide to Recovery From Child Sexual Abuse, says this often makes young men unwilling to “tell” on the person who abused them.
In addition, Singer says male-male abuse can make sexual orientation incredibly confusing for a young victim. “If the abuse was not painful or perhaps not even perceived totally negatively because the boy experiences sexual arousal, pleasure, or even orgasm, maybe even before they’re old enough to ejaculate, then it can be very confusing,” he explains. “The victim is overwhelmed by these strange and scary but also pleasurable feelings.”
I encourage everyone to read all the articles posted to the MaleSurvivor.org page. The insights contained in these works have helped my to better understand my abuse, its fallout and the empowering ways I can re-frame my experiences.