Welcome to MS.
I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.
Please do not blame yourself for not recognizing that you did not recognize you had been abused. It is often difficult to objectively see ourselves or to assess our experiences. We tell ourselves "it wasn't that bad" as a survival strategy. We may also tell ourselves that "it didn't matter" or "I didn't matter." Those are also survival strategies - minimize the abuse and the pain in order to survive it.
It is a glaring failure of the professionals who never bothered to ask "what happened to you?" Sadly, it is more common that not for males to never be asked about sexual abuse.
The loss of memory for years of your life speaks to the trauma you experienced during those years. Your mind has locked away those memories until it feels you will be able to deal with the information. Some of the memories may come to you in bits and pieces, other memories will come to you like a tidal wave. And some may always remain hidden.
If you do not already use them, it may be useful to learn groundign techniques. These techniques will help you when the memories start to break through, especially since they will break through at inopportune times. The memories may also be accompanied by flashbacks and body memories, both of which can be terrifying.
There are books you and your wife may find helpful.
Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter
Victims No Longer by Mike Lew
When a Man You Love Was Abused by Cecil Murphey
Sexually Abused Male by Josef Spiegel
I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore
Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.
At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.
We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles.
They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.
Again, welcome to MS.