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#40481 - 05/10/01 09:52 PM New to board
Anonymous
Unregistered


This is my first time posting here, and I am somewhat nervous and apprehensive. As a kid, I was sexually molested once by a janitor, and several times by a school administrator. I also survived other types of abuse at home, including physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse. In some ways, there was sexual abuse at home with my dad's idea of what a "man" should be, and after my parents were divorced, my mom came onto me sexually. I have had a hard time holding a job. At my current job, I fell on some ice in the parking lot in December. I filed worker's comp, and hired a lawyer. (Considering how things are turning out, that was a good idea.) Not only are they denying some of my back pay because they had "light duty" available. (Despite the fact that I was homebound and unable to get out of the house, much less go to work.) Also, there have been numerous threats of termination. I have actually been terminated twice, but I still show up at work, and I still get paid. On Wednesday, I got another written warning. (It's hard to take a written warning seriously when I've already been terminated twice.) However, my nerves are on edge, I have headaches, that on a scale of 1 to 10 rate about a 20. Sleeping is tough, especially with nightmares every night. (I honestly don't remember the last time I had a decent night of sleep.) I have been going to a therapist, but had to cancel my last appointment, since I thought I was terminated at that time. I have another appointment scheduled, but whether I make it or not depends on how many times I'm terminated between now and then. I'm lonely and scared. Being isolated for three months while stuck at home took a toll, too. It made me realize that I have no friends to speak of. If it hadn't been for my neighbors, I don't know how I would have survived, considering I couldn't even get out to get food. Every day, I have another crisis (or 2 or 3 or usually 20 or 30) to face, and it really gets to me after a while. I just needed to post. Thanks.


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#40482 - 05/10/01 11:19 PM Re: New to board
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Hi Scott,

Welcome to this site. There are a lot of great people here. They really care about each other. As I writing this, I'm wondering to myself if this is what heaven in like? I'm not talking about all the pain that is here but the people who seem to really care and support each other. I've gone back and must have read 600 posts in the week that I have been here. I have yet to see anyone write anything negitive about another member. Well enough of that religious stuff (I really don't even know if I believe. Although there must be something inside me if I am even thinking about it. I hope so.)

It sounds like your plate is full. Try to remember to take one bite at a time.

Good Luck

Brian


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#40483 - 05/11/01 04:30 AM Re: New to board
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
Hi scott, you are not alone. Sorry to hear about getting hurt, hope you are feeling better soon!!!!! I wont try to get any grand advice, but I will be here to listen and talk. I hope that the therapy helps you??? It is a constant struggle i know, I have trouble keeping jobs also. As hard as it is, I would try not too worry too much about your job. Its just another stress you dont need. Things will work out for the best!!! Plus there are other jobs out there, but hopefully the lawyer will help you out!!! Let me know if there is anything i can do for you???? If youd like you can email me at dstep517@yahoo.com .

Hang in there, it will get easier. Dont be afraid to ask for help, we are all know what you are going thru. Keep in touch.

take care,
derek

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#40484 - 05/11/01 09:53 PM Re: New to board
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thanks for the responses. The lawyer said that if I am terminated, he will refer me to a lawyer who will sue my employer for wrongful termination. I go back to the orthopedic doctor on Tuesday, and I'm hoping that he releases me totally. I have been going to physical therapy three times a week, so trying to find a job that will allow me to continue doing that is difficult. That has been about the only good thing about my current job, they have been somewhat open when I have been late due to having to go to physical therapy, though I usually schedule it for my days off. I have had a couple of job interviews, and have a second interview with one place this week. I just keep going sometimes, but it isn't easy.


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#40485 - 05/11/01 11:15 PM Re: New to board
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
HI JUST GOT IN FROM DETROIT, JUST WANTED TO WELCOME YOU IT IS LATE AND I NEED MY SLEEP CHECK OUT THE TOPICS. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#40486 - 05/12/01 09:04 PM Re: New to board
Anonymous
Unregistered


I would really like to find some sort of rehab center so that I could go in for intensive work on recovery from abuse, but don't know where to find one. I go to therapy weekly, but would like to find something more. All the support groups here are for women only.


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#40487 - 05/12/01 10:23 PM Re: New to board
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
check to see if the ywca has a abuse hotline and counseling, or if there is a sexual asult program in your town. Ask them about it.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#40488 - 05/12/01 11:18 PM Re: New to board
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
hey there i did some research, but didnt come up with much \:\(

the only I found was Deaconess Hospital, 405-949-6138. They might know of some programs???? or even group therapy!!! Maybe they even have a program. If you think you need more therapy, as about a partial day program. I am sure they have those, they proably wont be sexual abuse related, but this still will help ya \:\) good luck, let me know if i can do anything else !!!

take care
derek

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#40489 - 05/13/01 04:59 PM Re: New to board
Anonymous
Unregistered


Scott,
I hear ya on your level of devastation. About three months ago I was near where you are, and I lost everything. There was no reason to go on except for the singular fact that i knew there had to be some upward trend somewhere. For me, my psyche made my life so unbearable (through insomnia, extreme anxiety, extreme emotional pain) that my choices came down to 1) die or 2) deal with the sexual abuse that was manifesting itself in every walk of my life. I took the latter, and today i am beginning to understand my role in this process, how I can take control of my future and stop the abuse from continuing (mainly by treating myself with a little common decency).
Just know there are others out there struggling along side you. This doesn't have to be a journey you have to endure alone.
Take care and know that others have made it through where you are,
jeb :rolleyes:

[ 05-13-2001: Message edited by: jeb ]


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#40490 - 05/18/01 08:32 PM Re: New to board
Anonymous
Unregistered


I called Deaconess, who didn't have anything, but referred me to the state Mental Health Department. They didn't have anything, but referred me to someone else, who said there were no groups for men at all in the whole state of Oklahoma. I am not surprised, but am disappointed. I am seeing my therapist on Thursday. However, right now, I have never felt so scared, lonely, and empty.


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#40491 - 05/19/01 05:43 PM Re: New to board
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Scott,

your not alone, ok, this is a good place, just keep talking and taking it as it comes, you are taking some real big steps, makes me feel good to see you doing that, things will get worked out, keep the hope alive, ok?

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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