Welcome to MS.
I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.
You ask yourself "why now?"
There are many reasons why this has come to the forefront. But the reality is, you can never keep it pushed away forever. Eventually the thoughts, feelings and memories come forth and demand that you deal with them. Perhaps your mind is letting you know that you are now able to face and deal with that which you tried to bury for so long.
It is good to hear that your wife is supportive.
You have not "let her down." Nor are you a different man than the man she married. What has changed is now she has answers for the things she might not have understood before.
You have let her in on a secret - quite possibly the biggest secret you have been carrying for many years. But it is not the secret that you may not be hte man she thought she married. It is the secret that someone (or several someones) have hurt you in ways you never should have been hurt. You have let her know that you have been shouldering this heavy burden all by yourself.
You are no longer alone and you do not have to carry that burden by yourself anymore.
The abuse(s) happened to
you. It does not define you. You are more than what was done to you - so very much more. You are a man, husband and father, albeit one who has endured things no one should ever have experienced.
You do not say whether or not you are in therapy. If you feel therapy is an option, there are resources available. For help in finding a therapist please read the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping
. Psychology Today
has listings of therapists for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy.
There are several books you might find useful.
Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter
Victims No Longer by Mike Lew
I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore
Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.
At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.
We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles.
They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.
Again, welcome to MS.