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#432972 - 04/30/13 03:12 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 330
Loc: NYC
Well, I did the presentation - blew them away, I think. One person was a bit of a jerk. For another, oddly the woman who inspired me, I think it was a little too much. She contributed in a positive way, but bolted real quick as soon as class ended. The teacher commended me. Two students stayed after and we a really nice conversation about the subject.

I'm still processing. Had to have a drink when I got home (I was trembling and frightened.) Of coarse I am afraid I did something wrong, which I talked about in class. i did thank the class for listening.

The people i chatted with at the end agreed with me. The general public needs to know graphically what happens to boys and girls at the hands of their abusers. I think John Q. Public thinks of child abuse as a flasher who opens his coat in front of a child to expose his genitals. I told them people need to know we become their science experiments, their toys to poke and prod and get their kicks from. The stuff they do, if known, would freak people out.

I'm taking a Community Service and Art Therapy course next Fall. I am thinking of putting together my collection of collages to use as a male survivors awareness project. What you think?

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#432974 - 04/30/13 03:20 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 614
Loc: where the shadows lie
Congratulations. I'm interested in hearing more about the jerk if you don't mind, because I always am looking for examples of how to successfully deal with insensitive people.

I think what you said about how most people perceive abuse is right on. People don't realize what it is. Its literally beyond their ability to imagine.
_________________________


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#432975 - 04/30/13 03:26 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
I'm joining to the congratulations!
It is awesome and so brave that you did it.
I'm sure when emotions would settle you'll be even more aware of your accomplishment (I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong wink )

((((Thebo))))
_________________________
My story

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#433030 - 04/30/13 12:32 PM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 330
Loc: NYC
Regarding the jerk:

There was a discussion around the topic of the advantages and disadvantages of being a therapist for a population of which one is part. There are pros and cons, much of it around countertransference, the teacher indicated it could lean both ways. In the course of the presentation, I mentioned I disclosed because I could not spend energy on thinking what people were thinking. Rather I disclose and move forward. I mentioned I now am very careful. I don't go to chat here as I used to because it can drain me and I need to be able to stand back, so to speak, so I can develop the skills and education that will be most effective when reaching out to people. Does that make sense?

Long story longer, one of my classmates, who can ask some of the most bizarre questions, asked if any research had been done that proves whether people who have experienced the same problems as the people they serve are better or worse therapists. I know she didn't mean it, but I took it as somewhat of a personal commentary on commitment and capabilities. I guess I am still touchy from the friend who made fun of me and flippantly said, "Besides, you don't have what it takes." (That's a long story.)

Also, the woman I had found inspirational (and still do) struggled with the idea of someone from the same population working with them. She is very young and has trauma in her background. Not for nothing, this where her youth cannot serve as my age can. The perspectives are much different. No matter how far removed in time she is from her trauma, it is still fresh. I, on the other hand, am so weary of mine because it has been with me for soooooo long.

Fortunately the teacher is a great critical thinker. She pointed out that I am doing the work: attending classes, getting a good education, ensuring that my internal dialogue is supporting the healthiest mental approach to school, working with addicts (who, she said to me, "you probably recognize have symptoms of abuse), going to therapy, being careful of who and how I interact in relation to how I would deal with the topic. I took that all as supportive.

Today, of coarse I am a mess. But I see it is part of the cycle. Today is also therapy.

I got to run.

Jacob and Pero, I, as always, am so grateful for your support.
O

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#433035 - 04/30/13 12:42 PM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 11:13 PM)

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#433682 - 05/06/13 01:49 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 330
Loc: NYC
Thank you, Geoff.

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#440486 - 07/09/13 05:55 PM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Thebo, how are you doing man?
Are there any news about your study?
I just came to say hello wink


Pero
_________________________
My story

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#440578 - 07/10/13 03:26 PM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 330
Loc: NYC
Well, I got A's in both the classes I took this past semester. Both were pretty hard, because they are designed to bring up stuff.

Art Therapy 2 was about treating populations. The final project was to do a piece of art work expressing my own counter transference to the population I plan to work with. In layman's terms that means I had to do artwork expressing what triggers I may feel when a client and I are working together.

So, I, not to take the easy way out, did not go with substance abuse. No, no! I did an artwork expressing how working with adult male victims of childhood sexual abuse could trigger my disgust towards myself for being a victim myself.

The artwork was a montage depicting a misshapen little boy, pierced with nails, in a coffin, also pierced with nails and filled with blood.

Yep, I was finally disclosing. I had talked it over with my adviser first. She was exceptional in her support.

I was shaking. When I said the reason I want to do therapy with our population is because I was sexually abused as a child, too. I explained my artwork, which had taken on a gruesome quality. The class was attentive, but extremely quiet. The instructor was watchful. She knew this was difficult all around.

To make a long story short, overall the class appreciated it and learned a lot. One woman asked the teacher if anyone had done research on how effective individuals treating clients with the same conditions are. The teacher shot that down. She said no studies had been done that she knew of, but in my case, she had no doubt I would handle it well, because I was aware and was doing the work of my own therapy, which is an essential element to my effectiveness. (Thank you, Professor Alessandro!) Another woman who has always been open about having PTSD and who inspired me to disclose, was very uncomfortable. She turned pale, scrunched herself up in her chair, then bolted the moment class ended. Three people talked with me after class. The teacher gave me an A+ for the project, something she says she never does without the student quoting extensive theory from other sources.

Jezz! Why am I crying?

The reason i chose to disclose was because I became aware that my anxiety about students and staff in my classes would figure it out and that they would humiliate me and hate me. Those feelings were getting in the way. As much as I HATE disclosure, it was the right thing to do.

Why am I such a mess right now?

Next semester one of my courses is about art therapy and the community at large. I'm thinking of doing a gallery show of my collages and solicit men from this site, or elsewhere, to be present at a showing to help educate the public about the issue of childhood sexual abuse.

Anyway, that is, more or less, where school is at the moment. Summer is for scholarship shopping and job hunting. I also plan to get my state certificate as a person qualified to work directly with substance abusers.

So, Pero, and anyone else who has been following this saga, thanks for caring.
T

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#440585 - 07/10/13 05:34 PM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 812
Loc: michigan
you are a great man and a brave one! keep up the good work man
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#440623 - 07/11/13 01:34 AM Re: Moving ahead [Re: Thebo]
Thebo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 330
Loc: NYC
Thank you

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