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#404361 - 07/22/12 01:21 PM I performed oral sex
DarkHadou Offline


Registered: 10/13/10
Posts: 117
many times on him, which is my father as a kid, so I better get stuff in return I told myself during that time and I did, just toys and snacks etc... I was only around 11 when I noticed that when he used to give me a hand job that a liquid was trying to come out and I was getting aroused but never did I have the full orgasm but was close- I STILL GET AROUSED JUST BY THINKING OF THAT MOMENT. Is this normal????? I still feel sick that I performed sexual acts, so I better get something out of it if I did all of that


Edited by DarkHadou (07/22/12 01:23 PM)

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#404368 - 07/22/12 01:56 PM Re: I performed oral sex [Re: DarkHadou]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3608
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey DarkHadou, hang on buddy.
We were involved into something shameful and scary as sex act as children. Fear that we felt is additional thing that made even stronger memories about all that. It is normal that many survivors have been aroused against their will and still are in some situations connected to previous experience. Our body (those arousing parts) are responsive in nature and without control of our mind, so please be aware that you are completely normal.
Try to calm yourself, everything will be alright smile !
Pero
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#404369 - 07/22/12 01:58 PM Re: I performed oral sex [Re: DarkHadou]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1348
Hi DH -

It is precisely that dynamic that makes this so difficult to recover from, to heal from. It WAS physiologically stimulating and even pleasurable. And guess what - you had no choice. Neither did I or I suspect anyone else here.

Think of it like having a little bank account as a kid. It would yield dividends if you didn't make a withdrawal. But early on, someone you trust - someone who should know better - makes you spend it. It might feel great at the time - it is not without its short-term yields. But when you become an adult, you are left holding nothing but an overdrafted trust.
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#404404 - 07/22/12 08:43 PM * [Re: DarkHadou]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 06:13 PM)

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#404412 - 07/22/12 09:52 PM Re: I performed oral sex [Re: DarkHadou]
Shado Offline


Registered: 04/16/12
Posts: 6
Men who are victims of rape often think they aren't, because they become aroused.

Arousal is a physiological function; in the absence of erectile dysfunction, if you stroke a man's dick, he's going to get aroused (or whatever you want to call any of it).

BUT despite the arousal it does NOT mean the act was consensual.

Shado

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#404416 - 07/22/12 10:24 PM Re: I performed oral sex [Re: DarkHadou]
DarkHadou Offline


Registered: 10/13/10
Posts: 117
even when I still think about it right now it's normal for me even after hearing it from others, like I say to myself that it's not that bad and the average person just wouldn't understand it

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#404452 - 07/23/12 08:22 AM Re: I performed oral sex [Re: DarkHadou]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1348
Join the club. It's not like dodging bullets in a theater in Aurora, Colorado. In our case, the poison was presented to us like candy - the damage is not as obvious as a bullet. It's much more insidious.
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#404580 - 07/24/12 07:16 AM Re: I performed oral sex [Re: DarkHadou]
IBB Offline


Registered: 07/24/12
Posts: 12
No matter who bad it was or wasn't the average person won't get it or understand. Most won't even bother trying.

The first abuse I experienced was giving someone else a blow job. I didn't even know what the hell it was. After just a few short years I was wanting to give everyone blow jobs, but by the time I was 11 or 12 I learned that people looked at you funny and started avoiding you. I didn't even know that shit wasn't normal.

I think we all try to minimize what we went through. Maybe it's an attempt to take a bit of the sting off the edge. I don't know.

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#404599 - 07/24/12 09:55 AM Re: I performed oral sex [Re: DarkHadou]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1652
IBB

Well said--most do not understand the effect the sexualized acts the perp did to us or made us do to them had on us. Only through my healing, therapy, support am I understanding what it did to me and the inner child. We were told it was good these acts, and we should like it and enjoy it--now I understand he was the only one who truly enjoyed, I was made to believe it was all good. but I always asked myself,--why did my body react and say it was ok. Arousal we have been told is good--but now I understand it is a physical reaction and not always an emotional reaction. And the need to satisfy the physical need we thought was so need years later to satisfy our emotional emptiness is so untrue. How twisted our minds became to believe recreating the acts of the abuse would heal us. It makes me cringe when I think of it.

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#404685 - 07/24/12 10:52 PM Re: I performed oral sex [Re: DarkHadou]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
I'm part of this club on this one. Hate what happened. And in my case, since it was a peer that started the whole thing, it makes me think I was equally culpable. That said, I tried so hard to avoid that line from being crossed. He would not have any of that.

Eric

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