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#404172 - 07/20/12 08:45 AM Question
LouLou Offline


Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 35
I know we're not psychologists on here (well some might be), But i would like a question answering after i've listed my Husband's behaviours that have impacted on our marriage;

* Excessive porn use since mid to late teens (sometimes violent porn)
*Excessive masturbation since about 11 years of age. Masturbating in places where there is a risk of getting caught and could result in being in trouble with the Law.
*Sexualising of all women no matter who they are (sister, aunts, cousins, mother in law, teenage sister in law)
* Unable to engage on an intimate level
* Sometimes Erectile dysfunction
*Premature ejaculation
* Emotionally detached
*Depression
*Other addictive behaviours such as playing computer games for hours
*Disassociative tendencies
*Anger/sometimes rage
*Extremely loyal to parents, especially mother, even when they have behaved very poorly.
*Unwilling to face reality and responsibility
*People pleasing. Wanting to be liked by everyone, even those who are mean and deserve no respect

These are the biggies. I want to know for my own mind, are these symptoms likely to be CSA or could they just be Emotional abuse? Are there any survivors of Emotional abuse only, that have had their entire sexuality thrown out of whack?

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#404190 - 07/20/12 11:47 AM Re: Question [Re: LouLou]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1991
Loc: durham, north england
Well I've met some survivers of purely emotional abuse (indeed my mum is one), and while they have some of those simptoms, they don't usually have the s/xual ones. I say "usually" because I am no expert on any of this, but certainly it seems that a s/xual problem would come from s/xual abuse.

Of course, it's pretty hard to imagine sa without! any emotional impact or content at all, even when sa is perpetrated by strangers at random sinse you still have ptsd, fear reactions, and quite probably things like depression and feelings of helplessness too.

So, while I can't say anything for certain, not being a psychologist, from everything I know about abuse the answer is that probably if a person has a s/xual problem, as well as emotional ones sa was somewhere involved.

Of course, there are people who develope s/xual problems without! emotional ones, or have emotional problems resulting from s/xual ones such as impotence, but those I believe are something rather different.

Hopefully someone with more knolidge or experience can shed some more light on this, but that would be my thoughts on the subject.

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#404193 - 07/20/12 12:19 PM Re: Question [Re: LouLou]
scottyg Offline


Registered: 06/26/12
Posts: 253
Loc: Seattle
L.L. glad that you're still here with us after your brave announcement. The red flags that point to CSA for me is all of the sexual related dysfunctions you list. Almost half of the symptoms you describe speak to someone who's over-sexual and also exhibits blurred sexual boundaries. As a CSA survivor, these are the experiences I've, too. (Excessive porn/ masturbation, objectifying all females, lack of intimacy with spouse, etc.) These are really a costellation of problematic behaviors that feed off one another. You've parsed them into distinct symptoms but I look at them a whole disease. Now, is childhood sexual abuse the only explanation for this disease? Perhaps not. But whatever the root cause of these behaviors, there is certainly a highly dysfunctional sexual component which may or may not include acts of molestation / rape. Men tend to diminish these experiences so for instance if a child was repeatedly exposed to damaging pornography and/or innapropriate touching,the grown man may not recoginize these events as abuse because they did not rise to the level of a clearly define sexual act. Now, that will be $249.00 smile
_________________________
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Its got a basket, a bell that rings
And many other things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could -but I've borrowed it.

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#404355 - 07/22/12 12:25 PM Re: Question [Re: LouLou]
lostpartner32 Offline


Registered: 06/18/12
Posts: 16
Loc: southeast
My husband is an incest survivor and as such all of these symptoms you have written with the exception of rage he has and more.

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#404363 - 07/22/12 01:25 PM Re: Question [Re: LouLou]
Haps Offline


Registered: 07/06/12
Posts: 89
Loc: Ohio
My guy fits a lot of these. When I push for intimacy, it gets a bit worse. Rage not so much. His anger is either passive aggressive or turned inward, I believe.

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