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#404854 - 07/26/12 03:27 AM Re: A Request for Advice [Re: Diogenes]
Diogenes Offline


Registered: 07/19/12
Posts: 4
Scott,

Okay, I'm back. Work has had me running in circles, sorry for taking so long to reply. Thank you for your compliment but I fear being polite and charming isn't enough. I don't accept compliments well. Sorry, let's pretend I didn't side-step your compliment. Thank you, truly.

I have taken Mr. Chamber's and your's advice - I have quit porn and MB cold turkey. So far so well. It's a little more difficult than I thought it would be and my room mate keeps trying to get me to watch "Sparticus" which while an enveloping show, is full of sex scenes and full-nudity. It's not enough to be challenged by my own demons, neh?

I trust you and believe with all of my heart that trust is critical to me establishing and maintaining a healthy sexual relationship. I just don't know how to get there, and see most people as only trying to serve some need within themselves. I am jaded. It's challenging too, when I can feel so divided. I don't feel like I can trust my own feelings. I rush into it to prove to myself that there's nothing wrong with me. But there is and I am always reminded in some way; either when the lights are low and the covers high, or in the seemingly smallest ways. Like when the guys recant sex conquests. Part of me would very much appreciate an abandonment, but another part (hopefully a bigger part) wants to be true. To be authentic and real. To be a man.
...
I have to be good! Gods, I have to be good. It's never enough. I was thinking about that yesterday. If I hadn't been abused, would I still be trying to be good? If that's true, then doesn't that make all of my efforts wrong. I'm not taking action freely, trying to be good...I'm only reacting to what happened, to what I did. I'm trying to cover-up. Which makes me even worse.

You're very wise Scott. You would make an excellent father, if you aren't already. Much success. Thanks again for your words.

- Diogenes

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#404855 - 07/26/12 03:57 AM Re: A Request for Advice [Re: Diogenes]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3608
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Diogenes,
it seems that you are very strong willed person if you already quit on porn, I've been struggling with it for a while without much success - you deserve congratulations for that!
Please don't be hard on yourself - I'm referring here on your last couple of sentences about trying to be good and reacting to what happened.
I've read recently in book Victims no longer (I would highly recommend it) that many survivors are perfectionist - insightful people who sometimes like to put perfectionism against themselves. I've found myself there. I've always been lost in thoughts what is happening inside and around me, where that could lead me and what I can do to be better. Would I be different if my past was easier?
I don't know. I just know that I have to accept it in full light, it impacted me and it is impossible to pretend that nothing happened. I'm fragile sometimes, I'm struggling sometimes, I'm lost sometimes and finally I can accept that I'm like that sometimes and that is normal. I'm trying hard to keep balance and every day is fight.
I found of great help reading this note from MS when I came here couple of months ago, especially I like those affirmations that can help us to break negative self image and accept our abuse:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/docs/FirstStepstoGetHelp.doc
I hope this would be helpful.
Keep sharing with us!
Pero
_________________________
My story

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#404874 - 07/26/12 11:34 AM Re: A Request for Advice [Re: Diogenes]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 07:26 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#404883 - 07/26/12 12:31 PM Re: A Request for Advice [Re: Diogenes]
chambers Offline


Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 118
Loc: VA
Originally Posted By: Diogenes


I have taken Mr. Chamber's and your's advice - I have quit porn and MB cold turkey. So far so well. It's a little more difficult than I thought it would be and my room mate keeps trying to get me to watch "Sparticus" which while an enveloping show, is full of sex scenes and full-nudity. It's not enough to be challenged by my own demons, neh?


Good luck, get ready for your mood to be all over the place. You may get really depressed in the coming weeks, I don't think I've felt this bad since I was a teenager. I read those sites but honestly didn't think the mood swings and depression would hit me. It's strange but I haven't had a lot of trouble avoiding porn, masturbation, and fantasizing. I've just been crazy lonely and extremely depressed at times. I'm right here quitting with you.

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