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#40401 - 02/03/03 11:59 PM pray you want a tomorrow
al Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 143
Loc: canada
shouldnt' have done burnt my arms,pain so bad i took marcs tylenal4 he wont need them.... maybe i wont wake up.... maybe

hold your wives tight in the cold dark night pray you want a tomorrow

_________________________
Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music. Mark Kleiman

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. Winston Churchill

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#40402 - 02/04/03 12:07 AM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
OK, I'm prayin', Al...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#40403 - 02/04/03 11:58 AM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
RJD Offline
Member

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
al, are you there?

Did you waken this morning? I don't want to lose you brother.

Please, say good morning!

It is such a crisis time when we begin this journey to healing. We remember exactly how the traumas felt as they happened to us. Anything to distract me from the pain was my struggle. The pain is real al. I wish I could hold your burden until you were at a place where it wasn't crushing you anymore. I know this is your burden to carry and you can survive this. I know that to take your burden from you would be disrespectful on my part. What I can do is what everyone here can do as a survivor, and that is to bear witness to the agony and courage of a fellow survivor. You do not have to do this alone. A 12-step saying is, "if any one of us can survive then so can all of us."

Is there someone who would sit with you in a crisis watch. Perhaps anin-patient setting?

----Please, please be gentle with yourself.
----As with everyone on this page, you did not deserve to be treated the way you were treated


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#40404 - 02/04/03 01:18 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Al
Please check your private messages now.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#40405 - 02/04/03 03:54 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Al Give us a reply please buddy!!!!
Dont be afraid!!

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#40406 - 02/04/03 04:06 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
al Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 143
Loc: canada
i am so sorry i fucked up again please i am ok i am so very very sorry please just forget this

_________________________
Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music. Mark Kleiman

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. Winston Churchill

Top
#40407 - 02/04/03 05:28 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
It's Okay. We all F**k up. I have been using Burns to shunt the pain on purpose, don't know if you burnt your arms intentionally or not. There is hope and you are not just some kind of freak.
I,ve been going to get help here:
secret shame web page

and Here:
Bodies Under Siege web page .

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#40408 - 02/04/03 07:06 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
al Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 143
Loc: canada
OK let me try this again. MrEdd thank you for the links i bookmarked them and will go there after. I am very ashamed to say i did the burns on purpose but there i just said it. They hurt very bad now as they should. ANyway, i want to apologize for being obnoxious and drunk and stupid and if i offended anyone please accept my apologies. I have a few boards to apologize to now. For anyone who cares Marc hasn't come home and has not even called to tell me he's ok. I think i would feel better if he was yelling at me but instead i sit here filled with guilt and remorse and wishing i could rewind the last few days. Thanks for listening/reading and thanks for the support.... I probly wouldn't be here without it.

_________________________
Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music. Mark Kleiman

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. Winston Churchill

Top
#40409 - 02/04/03 07:10 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
Keep Safe man. All you guys here are sort of my life support right now.

Hugs

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

Top
#40410 - 02/04/03 07:45 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Al

We care.

Dave ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#40411 - 02/04/03 08:27 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Al and MrEdd,

i care. sorry yer having such a rough time. Al i hope you get your arms looked after.

jer


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#40412 - 02/04/03 11:01 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
Hassan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 7
Loc: Kiev, Ukraine
Hey al,

Good to hear that you are doing better. While it is scary to read such posts, the raw pain is nothing of which to be ashamed or to feel guilt about.

Good luck.

Hassan


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#40413 - 02/04/03 11:40 PM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Al I am relieved that you are ok. I can sympathize with how you feel. Read my post on dreams. It is ok to f**up believe me. If this road was an easy one to take none of us would need therapy or each other. We could cure ourselves in an instant. That is not how it works. I have been at it off and on without realizing it ever since I was a chil. As a heroin addict I was looking for death and in some of the scenes I was in I was looking for the same thing. I did not have whatever it takes to do it myself. I guess it was the little child to afraid to do anything or move away from the familiar.
Stick with us though because like AA something will rub off. I have been in that since October 1976 and it does work the rubbing off bit. I thought originally that they were a bunch of sanctimounious sons ob bitches who did not know what a real drunk or high on heroin was. I was dead wrong. They had all been to their own personal hell.
We have our personal hell too. But know we are sharing it with others and by doing this we help the other, ourselves and any one who reads our posts. If I can help I know that it helps me. AA works because you cannot con another drunk; especially one in recovery mode. Sometimes I feel we should have something like that for we survivors. Personally I can take inspiration from you that you actually came back and spoke to us again. A huge thing.
Whether we like it or not we are all in this together and I guess it is a life long thing with us. Just like the crew of Columbia, who new the risks, but continued to stretch the limits because of the drive that they had. They have paved the way for others and while we mourn them we should also be amazed at what they have done and why. I wish I could have known them.
But I know you. You and I belong to a club that recognizes that we cannot do it alone but with others as a team we can do anything.
God I know this is rambling but what I am trying to say is keep trying cause it will work.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#40414 - 02/05/03 09:09 AM Re: pray you want a tomorrow
al Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 143
Loc: canada
I keep waking up so I guess that means I better keep trying. Marc once told me; anything worth gaining is never free. For once he was wrong. You guys absolutely blow me away. The words Thank You don't even begin to express how grateful I am to you all. Thank You.


I went for a walk last night and found the car at Marc's brothers house, so at least I know he's ok. Today I am going to try to write him a letter. Since Dennis hates my guts and everything I stand for, I know this is not going to be easy, but I have to try.

_________________________
Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music. Mark Kleiman

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. Winston Churchill

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