I have cataract surgery coming up - and a week before the surgery I'm supposed to have a physical by a female Nurse Practitioner. The thought of certain exams being done by a female have always set me on edge; with where I am in therapy right now this practically put me in terror. So I wrote the Dr (haven't heard back yet) explaining the circumstances, letting him know I'd be happy to certain exams through my regular doctor, since they all put their records in the same database...
Anyhoo - my wife was NOT pleased. She felt insulted (not unusual). We got into it and I finally said I'd rather lose sight in that eye than go through a complete physical by a woman. She kept pushing - the child in me shaking, and then - for the first time in 56 years - the adult in me stood up to protect my inner child:"This is MY body! I will decide who can touch me: where, when, and how. No one else. Ever again."
I think everyone in our apartment building heard me. Shoot - everone on the block probably heard me
Almost immediately after, it was like someone removed some heavy blanket or something from me. My therapist asked if it was like having oxen yoke removed - and yeah - it's kinda like that. All I know is I feel myself standing much straighter - so much less weight on me - my shoulders even feel lighter temperature - like air can finally get to them for the first time.
This is the first real MAJOR victory in my recovery. I'm still floating!! I got to tell my T yesterday and now you guys today. Tonight I will share this with my men's support group during check-in.
And I'm not sure how everyone might take this ... but I've been having arguments with God a lot lately - about me feeling no help from him, and on and on ... anyhoo - I picture God now - and I see him smiling. And if I dare say it - pride in his eyes for me.
Alta is going to be AWESOME this September!!!!