I put a post several days ago saying that i was leaving my husband. There have been a few days of relative calm and i feel that it is the best thing to do.
I haven't ever wanted to sound like i am just nagging about my husband on here. I've just simply wanted to share my story with others who are experiencing the same thing.
My husband truly, has not demonstrated yet that he wants to change. Instead i leave things a week and bring up the topic of how our marriage is currently not working. He is more hostile than he has EVER been. God help me if i ever mention his mother, in non-related conversations i may add. He flies off the handle at the very mention of her name. I need to re-itertate again, my husband does not think on God's earth that he has been abused. I dropped THAT subject over 2 weeks ago.
Today, he was supposed to have a session with his/our therapist. He got the times wrong so he missed the appointment. This has happened twice now. I have not said a word to him about it.
I'm tired of always having to initiate the subject of his sexual dysfunction and being met with excuses. "Well, i didn't masturbate" or "It's not a porn site", or "so i forgot to tell you about that but it's no big deal".
He is STILL not picking up any of the books he bought. I have suggested this site just to read stories of other guys with similar symptoms, he doesn't have to post. "Pointless", he said.
He spends his whole free time just playing i pad games or sleeping. Believe me, his work schedule is more like a part-timer's!
I have tried to explain how his behaviours are damaging our marriage in a calm way and an angry way but nothing seems to work. Maybe, just maybe he hasn't been abused but i know one thing for certain. He wasn't just born like this. The way he views women and teenage girls is not healthy. It has no part in a healthy marriage. He is still in denial about so many issues. I've gone as long as i can go now. I have no more strength to fight this.
I just want to say to the supporters whose husbands' recognise that they have a problem and are really trying to tackle it, God bless each and every one of you. I wish you love and hope that there really is light at the end of that awfully dark,long tunnel. I'm not religious, but i pray that you will find true happiness at the end of it all.
To the survivors that are on here, therefore must want to change, God bless you too. I wasn't abused so i can only imagine how tough things have been. But if you're willing to set yourself free, then i wish you all the best.
I said it in a previous post, but just by recognising that life isn't going the way you hoped, and by taking little steps to change history, YOU HAVE ALREADY WON.xxxx