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#403844 - 07/16/12 10:22 PM Whats normal?
Paul68 Offline

Registered: 06/28/12
Posts: 13
Loc: Australia
Today I feel like I have been ripped open again. All the torment and ugliness that was forced upon me as a child pours out like an open wound. I am not sure if it's because trying to heal is new to me or that the pain of my experiences and the problems it has caused overwhelme me. Or both.

It slowly builds up over a couple of days until the greif/ pain consumes me and I usually spend a day or two in tears. I can't help it nor am I able to control it.
I have separated from my wife but still have her full support. I feel weak when I get like this and hate her or our 4 boys seeing me this way. Which in turn makes me feel worse.

I know each time I go through one of these periods that when I come through the other side I feel a calmness and I am able to work through some of the grief. I cherish these times because I feel like I can do this. But from here the cycle starts again. The troughs are deep but don't last as long as they first did, but still just as painful.

It really is peaks and troughs for me at the moment I just hope that one day the ride levels out a little bit at least.
Is this normal or is each persons recovery normal to themselves? I suppose in some ways we are all different and all experienced different abuse yet we share alot of the same feelings and issues. So that should mean we are all normal for who we are and our own individual experiences, Abused or not. I think what I am trying to say is that there is no blanket normal there is only individual normality.
I am normal for my life experience as is every person.

Hope that makes sense.


#403850 - 07/16/12 11:18 PM Re: Whats normal? [Re: Paul68]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3815
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Good question, Paul!

i know what is "normal" for me - that is - how i usually react to triggers or memories or the painful feelings that come up - sounds like that is what you are describing. that is not necessarily the way others respond - but i think there is enough commonality that we can all relate.

what you have described very well is the way i used to feel too. then for a while it was less ups and downs and more like a constant deep pit. BUT now i am at a stage where the "troughs" are not as low and don't last as long. and some of the highs are higher. last week i realized at one point that i was feeling as calm and relaxed and good as i only used to feel after having a couple drinks. and i hadn't had a thing to drink - honest! that was a great feeling!

so - yeah - if there is any way that "normal" can be used in this context - i think that you are right on. maybe a better term would be "typical" or "predictable." bottom line - it can/does get better with time and work. (and i gotta say - my version of "normal" changes as i learn to deal with and overcome all the bad stuff!)

hang in there... you'll make it!
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2

#403861 - 07/17/12 12:13 AM Re: Whats normal? [Re: Paul68]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2227
Loc: durham, north england
Yep, I've experienced the cycles too. abuse survival often seemed like being one of the Grand old duke of York's men, "and when they were up they were up, and when they were down they were down"

but as Lee said, this does level out and improve over time. My problem current however is trying something concertedly different, sinse at the moment it just seems the quantities change, not the quality.


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