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#40378 - 05/10/01 02:27 PM hi i'm new
Anonymous
Unregistered


i dont know if this is a new topic but its the only way i could figure out how to post was by clicking "new topic". i am young, 21. i denied what happened to me until last week, and now i can't stop. it is all i think about. Like a movie, an alternate reality laid over this one. I am still functional but just seeing everything through a haze of blood and moonlight. i feel small and alone and terrorized. i cant talk to anyone i know. im always on the verge of tears or rage. A rude cashier will have me crying. A tasteless joke told by a friend will make me want to hit him. i suppose i am emotional to begin with but this is too much. i don't know where else to go to speak; i do not trust anybody. is this normal or am i crazy? \:\(


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#40379 - 05/10/01 06:03 PM Re: hi i'm new
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
HI crazy, i have thuoght of a word that helps me identify too, twisted , i allwise tried to supress my memories with drinking and drugs their not strong enough so i would not suggest that for help, i can tell you that when i excepted the hell hole ( lets call it life so everybody wont know), i was told to get a counciler, she has become the only reason to speak, i then found this fourm and found a reason to comunicate, i will say this place is safe.,,, welcome..


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#40380 - 05/10/01 06:12 PM Re: hi i'm new
Mark C Offline
Member

Registered: 03/21/01
Posts: 39
Loc: New Jersey, USA
:rolleyes: Hi Cobweb...just want you to know that what you are going through seems to be fairly normal for survivors. I myself had many of these same symptoms which lasted for about 5 or 6 months....my therapist told me it was PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....but things did get better in time. I was hypersensitive to many things...like you I could get very angry or cry very easily...it was out of control...I too wondered if I was going crazy. My therapist helped alot. I am glad you are begining to deal with your past traumas, I know you will find much support and understanding here...I am sure as you read many of the other posts you will see many many similarities...Just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE be well...Mark


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#40381 - 05/11/01 04:37 AM Re: hi i'm new
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
Firstly, you are not crazy!!! YOu are just dealing with some tough things, and some tough emotions. After so many years of hiding and denying things, your body and sould wants to let it all go. Its tired of hiding, so i think thats why you are always thinking about it. I have done the same thing. Sometime I dwell on things too long \:\(

If you arent able to talk to anyone you know, which is normal. Then find other sources, like here or support groups. I hope you notice there are alot of people on here who care about you. We are all here for you!!!

Please email me or Istant message me, if youd like to talk. I am a great listener and i care!! You take care of yourself!!!!

Derek \:D

dstep517@yahoo.com

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#40382 - 05/11/01 03:29 PM Re: hi i'm new
Anonymous
Unregistered


is there a page that says what these icons mean? they make you choose one so i will pick randomly.
Wow thanks for the response. i am so used to being vilified i wasn't sure if feeling like a basketcase came with the territory or whether it was just me. i always knew what happened-- there was no way to hide it from myself because it was so frequent and violent and lasted from when i was very young up into my teens when i ran away-- it was just something i did NOT think about. Now it's ALL i think about. Maybe cause this is the first time my life has been fairly peaceful; i was on the street for a couple yrs. i dunno. I'm having problems relating to other guys, too, all of a sudden they seem so incredibly vile.
I have to be anti-social cuz they will not understand if i am childish and weepy all the time. I have never cried like this before i am afraid they think less of me. Sometimes they say things like "stop acting like a bitch"(meaning a woman?) etc. This makes me feel worse cuz of things i was called...at the same time its infuriating. How do you heal when you feel like people are threatening you all the time?


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#40383 - 05/15/01 10:35 AM Re: hi i'm new
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
i have found that being the king of isolation works or did work for a while, one huge step i did take was to come to this place and post sometimes i dont think i even make any since, but some how im heared and understode, as far as the people that erk me i personaly have to stay away from them, the thought makes me violent,i regress,and lash out like an angery kid who was defiled. ive known my abuse , but chose to hide it,facing it is like looking back and seeing another person someone i never known, as the block of ice melts away im becoming more sicken by my existance, but as long as im in a place that i feel safe, i find it easer to function, what scares me most is that iv started this melting, the pain and torture will fall away with each drop.


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#40384 - 05/17/01 06:43 PM Re: hi i'm new
Anonymous
Unregistered


iT ALL JUST SEEMS SO UNFAIR! tHAT WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE SO FUCKED UP NOW AND IT COULD'VE HAPPENED TO ANY OF THEM!


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#40385 - 05/21/01 08:20 AM Re: hi i'm new
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
be rest ushurd that these sick monster bastards didnt or wont live a proper life, i hope they go through more hell then they perpatrated on us the sick fucks that they are, i do get angry every time this subject is return to my mind, i can see the pictures that are kept in the arcives of my mind that constant reminder of who i am, so i think im trying to say, in a differnt form then my usual spew, dont worry about whats happening to their minds there is a higher power for their divin forgiveness so we dont have to trip over the tangled mess our minds have been left in by sick fucks like them, oh ya i dont care who they are i wish they all die a horrable (fucking) death.bastards


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#40386 - 05/21/01 01:32 PM Re: hi i'm new
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Cobweb,

Welcome, i am new here too, dude, your not crazy, what happened to you was crazy, your going through the insanity of it now is all.

I am prone to getting my emotions all cranked up and yeah, it bugs me sometiems too when i get that way, it stinks.

Hang in there and keep at it, ok?

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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