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#403780 - 07/16/12 10:23 AM survivors thinking as child
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
i am not abused myself but learned a lot about survivors sofar. this is what they would think as children and in most cases, noone ever heard them. thats why they struggle with all the problems they have until old age, which is very unfair.
this is to all partners and parents of abused children. read it properly and start understanding your children. its your duty, your responsiblity and your only chance if you love your child:

ela

the child thinks:

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I AM NOT SAYING

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask -
A mask that I'm afraid to take off.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me..
But don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure.
That all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without.
That confidence is my name and coolness is my game.
That the water's calm and I'm in command.
And that I need no one.
But don't believe me.......Please.

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask.
Beneath swells the real me in confusion - in fear - alone - in pain.
But I hide this; I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness; fears and pain being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind.

I need help....help that is followed by caring from people who care enough to help me.
It's the only thing that can liberate me. From myself; from my own self-built prison walls.
From the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself - that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare. I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me and that you'll laugh. And your laugh would hurt me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good. And that you'll see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate game, with a mask of assurance without.
And a trembling child within.

I dislike hiding. Honestly.
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing, the superficial, phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous...and me.
But you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the emptiness and pain I try not to feel.
Only you can help me.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging.
Each time you try to understand because you really care my heart begins to grow wings.
Very small wings; very feeble wings. But wings.

With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding, you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me.
How you can be the creator of the person that is me if you choose to.
Please choose to.
You alone can break down the wall from behind which I tremble. You alone can remove my mask.
You alone can release me from my shadow world of panic and uncertainty - from my lonely prison.
So do not pass me by. Please do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness and anger builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back. It's irrational. Sometimes I'm irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love, caring, and kindness are stronger than strong walls; in this lies my hope.
My only hope.
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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#403790 - 07/16/12 11:55 AM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: confusion4life]
iambubba Offline


Registered: 04/24/12
Posts: 31
Loc: Canada
Amazing pegged it to a T. My tears are flowing like crazy. Thank you.
Bub

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#403818 - 07/16/12 05:57 PM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: confusion4life]
Haps Offline


Registered: 07/06/12
Posts: 89
Loc: Ohio
I couldn't even make it through all on the first read! I'm literally sitting next to my P right now and pictured him saying. I think he thinks I'm nuts! LOL Who's got the tissues?

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#403820 - 07/16/12 06:01 PM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: confusion4life]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1570
Beautiful and so telling and moving

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#403873 - 07/17/12 04:06 AM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: confusion4life]
StarBuck31 Offline


Registered: 06/20/12
Posts: 10
Loc: FL, Pensacola
it's like you really listned to me Ela, and every one els. I love you, you finaly understand.
_________________________
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. (formerly Aberrant30)

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#404088 - 07/19/12 05:15 PM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: confusion4life]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Damn.

I read this with my husband's teenage face in front of me, and his voice reciting the words. Surely, those would have been what he'd have said, had he not been so traumatized that he couldn't even think beyond the full-time job of hiding the truth.

Quote:
I need help....help that is followed by caring from people who care enough to help me.


This line stabbed at my heart! My husband thought the pedophiles that sexually abused him were "helping" him because they left him money. He thought the pedophile that gave him a job offer was his ticket out of his hell...only to be abused and tossed aside. Alone. A homeless teenager with no one to help him. A teenage boy surrounded by sick opportunistic bastards who cared only for their own twisted wishes.

Thank you for so beautifully speaking the hearts of so many victims, Ela!

herowannabe
_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#404158 - 07/20/12 04:41 AM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: confusion4life]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1341
The poem, Please Hear What I'm Not Saying was written by Charles Finn in 1966.






Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#404352 - 07/22/12 12:09 PM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: confusion4life]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Wow amazing Ela

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#408178 - 08/28/12 02:30 AM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: Anomalous]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
yes anom and as i know now, it is still what a survivor child thinks. this also means that the child has attachment problems bigtime and that again explains the lower emotions. the survivor was simply never given a real chance. but s/he needs a chance in adult life because as a child s/he coudlnt talk. as an adult things are so twisted and the survivor can still not really talk what is deep in there, maybe has even given up long back. its up to us partners to still understand the survivor. only then we can support properly.

ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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#408186 - 08/28/12 03:54 AM Re: survivors thinking as child [Re: confusion4life]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Ela please know we will figure this out. It may take a couple of tries but the kids you worry most about will be ok. Mike

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