this sounds extremely familiar. Quite often I've been felt myself so completely worried about the opinions of others I've literally not wanted to leave the house or speak to anyone, sinse I'm convinced other people are always thinking I'm uggly, I'm stupid etc.
The only good news is, I've found myself that I was able to listen to those sorts of thoughts less as I continued recovery. now, I regard any bad opinion I have of myself as extremely suspect. I know! I am not a good judge of myself, or able to correctly evaluate anything I do, so i try not to listen to those opinions, to take no account of them, just as I would take no account of the opinions of any heavily prejudiced person.
This has not been an easy process though, and it certainly got worse before it gets better, nor am I completely rid of it now.
the first step however was talking on this sight and sharing my experiences, sinse while all experiences of abuse are different, a lot of the feelings and thoughts are the same, and there are a lot of extreme wise and compassionate people here who can both understand and offer good advice and support.
Share what you want and feel you need to on this site, thoughts, feelings, and your story when and if you wish, sinse that is what it is here for.
However, please don't be inhibited by the worries about public opinion. Ms exists for one reason, helping men recover from any form of sexual abuse, no matter who they are, where from or what their story is, so acceptance is very much the order of the day.
What you share about yourself is very much your own business, your story, your location in the world etc, so you are always the person in control of that.
As regards public viewing of this site, well generally the only "public" who will be viewing this are "public" who are interested in recovering from, or learning about male sa anyway, thus to a very great extent your not sharing with anyone outside the community itself.
I really hope you find ms as helpful in your journey of recovery as I have.