Watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR9gyloyOjM&feature=player_embedded

I watched this truly tragic, beautiful film recently, and it really hit home for me. He was estranged from his abusive, homophobic family for years, yet when something happened to him, they swooped in, seized his assets, body, and his partner who he had lived with for years was left with no rights. On the one hand, Prop 8 in California played a role. However, as his partner, the narrator in the video suggests, even if people don't have marriage rights or don't want to be married, they can still legally protect themselves and their partner with a will.

I realized after watching this that my incestuous, abusive, homophobic family could do the exact same thing, and now as part of my year plan I'm going to write an official will establishing that they have no legal rights whatsoever should anything happen to me. It occurs to me that many people in the survivor community have left their families, but how many aren't married and therefore haven't taken any real steps to assure that their former family doesn't benefit materially or emotionally from their passing?

Thank you for the link.

I also have an incestuous, abusive, homophobic familiy and we have begun talking about wills, living wills, powers of attorney to give us a legal right to our shared assets while preventing seizure.

Geoff n Dave

Let us not forget that slavery at one time used to be legal. It was not just a moral issue. Slaves were also considered property. (they had absolutely absolutely, no rights)...***no that is not a typo***

How is this in any way different...???

I guess the message for the time is..."PROTECT YOURSELF". (protect your rights, by any legal means necessary, even if this means, other than conventional).


Land of Confusion (Disturbed)

island

That's great bodyguard, I'm glad you're looking into protecting yourself.

1islandboy, you're right, slaves were once considered 'property' just like in this case the estranged, abusive family felt that their son was still their 'property' and his life partner and his real, gay life in California were meaningless things they could whitewash out of existence.

Vadrian,

I love your blog. It is really affirming. Some of the things you say I couldn't say even at thirty!! My family also was beyond comprehension in their abuse and neglect and denial of their offenses. Thank you for sharing your story, I really appreciated it.

Geoff

Bodyguard, thank you! I'm glad you got something out of my blog. I just read your story too, and I can really relate to what you describe. I think it's terrible when I see legal experts or psychologists try to reduce sibling abuse/incest to age, as if the perpetrator has to be significantly older for it all to qualify as abuse. That isn't true at all, someone your own age or even younger could still violate, traumatize, and rape you. Take care,
-Vadrian

*

It's great that there will be a documentary--I can't wait to see it. But 'family values' generally tends to mean putting the abusive family system on a pedestal and attacking anyone who dares to go against it. Hence you have figures like james dobson, who writes books about beating children and dogs, and is one of the most prominent people on the christian right proselytizing family values and attacking homosexuality.

Vadrian,

I agree completely. I have a homophobic incestuous family that hates my gay identity. They ostracize me and my Partner. If I die, there is no doubt that they will surely try to take all my money and assets from my partner. They will also fight to have control of my body and my funeral. I don't want them to be there or to be involved.

My former family couldn't decide whether to hate my gay identity or just deny it completely (eventually finding some combination therein.) In any case, I hope you can take the steps to legally cut them off.