there are better days
oh contrairre, there are answers.
it comes with understanding you dont "get it under control". you get it by doing exactly what you are now doing. putting it out there. and exploring it does not mean you love your famiily any less. it may mean you love them even more.
you being in touch with the real you no matter who or what that is makes you a better person, whether man or woman.
but the counter argument of 'you made your bed now lie in it' is just that - a lie. it says you never evolve or change or are able to gain insite and grow as a human. you would never say to your kids, you would never say to them, "son ,you have a job now stick with it, even with more education, knowledge, and training - stick your head in the sand, suck it up and earn your piddly little pay check". All any caring parent wants is for their child to be happy. y are you not entitled?. doesnt a path to less suffering and angst which you clearly live , make more sense than the emotional careening you experience on this one?
you will come to your realization when you're ready, have an epiphany or a crisis, or like rosa parks , are just plain tired.
your brain at your age is just finally developed, it takes time to appreciate where you are, what your goal in life is and where you are going.
dont apologize, its unnecessary. you entitled to your peace as much as anyone.
be kind to yourself, you are going to need the compassion.
keep speaking your truth no matter how painful it is a first, it becomes less so, it just does
there are as many answers to as many questions as you have, live or imagine. the cast is not die, the ink is not dry and there are more options than we can usually see ourselves. you just need to know that.
i spent the first have of my life in that fixed and ill-fitted mode, a pattern well entrenched and re-sodded. who knew there was a whole other garden on the other side of the gait. i have a better relationship with my kids, my ex my work my friends my life my sleep my dreams.
i refuse to accept the "no answers", i can't, its impossible, what if, there is no choice, you arent me speak for yourself, it gets worse, i am not you, this is as good as it gets - camp anymore. unresolved trauma and identity brings no peace if it is left unresolved.
cheers and my heartfelt best wishes and intentions
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama
WoR Barrie 2011