It went badly, so I disapeared. I apparently posted bout Donna Summer though. I LOVE her. (Loved) And BTW: I'm fkg sick of my people dyeing.

meaning ... what?

dissociation episode?

was it the triggering circumstances of the appt or the med results that were bad?

can you remember?

are you gonna be OK?

Lee

Having to tell one non-med professional "the sitch." Having to go into WHY things are bloody and hurt to the non-pro and the blank-stare doctor.

I went on auto-pilot like many times in life and ignored what was happening in real life.

Didn't disappear enough apparently cuz I cry at the drop of a hat thinking about having to have this done (June 4).

But according to the many sheets of custom instruction in my car, I will be put-out with propophal (sp).

Robbie,

I'm also due to be scoped out in about 2 weeks. I've put it off too long. I told them to knock me out well because I was abused as a child and I don't like being messed around with down there. The hardest part is the pre-cleaning that has to be done the day before. A long time ago my doc found a calcified (turned to stone) scar on my anus.

Puffer

I think there are very very few incidents in a life that will cause a child and adult to feel ANY more vulnerable than with sexual assault. Even in lock-up situations, I've felt vulnerable, but nothing like in childhood.

This sense of vulnerability is a massive element of my stress with the scope. Being knocked-out, being messed with there, not knowing what will and did happen.

I'm truly trying to develop a positive attitude, without panic and without fear eating me up. June 4 is a LONG way away when yer chest is aching from anxiety and hands shaking in panic.

I'm also hoping the Doc will find the car keys I swallowed at 3yrs-old. My father keeps asking for them back. (see???? Gallos humor)

Robbie & Puffer -

i had a colonoscopy a couple years ago.

i was put under completely.

it wasn't as bad as i feared.

they gave me a nifty CD video of the procedure so i can really get into myself!!! that was the part that really creeped me out.

i don't know if that procedure is anything like what you are facing.

for me the more traumatic procedure was a vasectomy - cuz one of my perps (step-father) had threatened me with castration. 1 was so stupid - i didn't even make the connection til i was on the operating table and about to go under. i flipped out.

so i think i get the level of anxiety - but in a different area...

i'll be hopefully awaiting good results (please -!)

Lee

It all went well...cept now my asthma has gone all category-10 on me. Literally stopped breathing the other day. Doc was pissed I never even went to the ER...but I have my own nebulizer (which is all the hosp uses). LOL...seems nothing will kill me though.

Rob -

glad the procedure went well.

now just keep breathing! is that an effect of the anxiety, maybe?

Lee

Another small victory for one of us is a victory for us all.

Congrats on getting through it, Rob. You're stronger now.