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#403136 - 07/10/12 11:06 AM Re: OK Help Me (please) [Re: whome]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
LOL!!! smile

(((Pero))) What would we do without you????
_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#403167 - 07/10/12 03:06 PM Re: OK Help Me (please) [Re: whome]
JoeUniverseHP Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 72
dang, you are worth reading Herowannabe!

Good stuff!!!!! Thanks for your posts!

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#403338 - 07/11/12 06:17 PM Re: OK Help Me (please) [Re: whome]
mmfan Offline


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 114
Yea that was very sweet Herowannabe, beautifully put and you summed up the fantasy of so many women out there. Romance, tenderness, focused attention, yes we want that!!

Of course there is great variety among women, to one woman scrubbing that moldy petrified pan in the sink says "I love you" while another would be thrilled to have 1 hour of computer-free focused attention every night. So......I recommend ASKING your darling wife.

For me, and I realize how un-fun and un-sexy this sounds, telling the truth and owning up to his responsibilities say "I honor you and I take our relationship seriously." It says "I'm a capable, powerful masculine man who is reliable, and you're safe to be vulnerable with me." Yes I still want flowers and breakfast in bed, and an occasional tender kiss on the forehead, but those mundane things like taking the cat to the vet, loading the dishwasher or paying a bill, those show me that he cares about our lives together.

For a wife who has recently undergone the trauma of rape (if I am recalling correctly?), she may have some special needs, so again I really encourage you to just ask her. When i was working through some of my trauma history, him coming to therapy appointments and really listening to me, helped more than 100000000 surprise trips to Paris ever would have. Just listening and putting aside his own needs for a while, was the ultimate in romance!! Good luck Martin.

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#403376 - 07/12/12 04:16 AM Re: OK Help Me (please) [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
More Please More more more

The letter thing, I love doing it and I love seeing her eyes light up when she receives another secret love note.
But I want to keep the variety going, I need an arsenal of things to use, so any practical tips will not go amiss, OH BTW I do do the flower thing, once or twice a month at least.

Thanks you guys you are helping save my marriage and make the girl I love smile for once in a long long time.

Heal well all
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#403631 - 07/14/12 04:22 PM Re: OK Help Me (please) [Re: whome]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Martin, here is one possible difficult:
how about writing short poem just for her? It could be sentence or couple of inspiring words relating to her as person, as beautiful woman and your love? You already wrote in other thread about making love finally to her (not to others images in your mind) and that sounded for me like pure poetry - I would used it for this occasion wink
We all need to hear such words of full acceptance in most intimate moment by our patners - that is love.
I know that you are good with inspiring quotes wink
Pero
_________________________
My story

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#403765 - 07/16/12 07:06 AM Re: OK Help Me (please) [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Thanks Pero

You are a real Blessing.
Keep up the good work

Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#404474 - 07/23/12 12:57 PM Re: OK Help Me (please) [Re: whome]
FishmanofRI Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 13
You know all of these are wonderful ideas.

I loved it when he started to make ME matter. To make ME have some sort of value in his life.

I would have loved dandelions if he brought them to me ...
A date night (again skip the sex part) would have meant so very much.

Being honest and truthful - I thought he was, but found he was still feeding me lies and things I wanted to hear (which with as much as I loved him I believed and trusted him) ... I was so wrong. He broke that trust and tore my heart apart again.

I am still so broken, so lost without him and what we HAD. There are so many days I just can't hold it together. My self esteem and self image have taken a beating ... still being unemployed gives me no diversion from the happy times, the memories and all the hurt and pain.

Be true to her, be true to you. Don't just do the things to make her happy and be a hero - Do it for real and because you mean it.
Remember if she hung in there this long she loves you. Please don't betray that love and trust. I wish you both all the best. Now go out and buy some JUST BECAUSE FLOWERS and make a weekly date night. Restaurants with table cloths and candles - she is worth it!

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