Triggers

Escape!
Get away from here any way you can.
Sweaty bodies pressing in against me,
surrounded on all sides,
no way to move, no place to go,
pressure from behind,
can’t even raise my arms
to push away or fend off…
Just wait. Let other concert goers pass you by.

Held down
by the force of authority,
jaws pried open and aching,
stuff in my mouth,
unable to breathe,
choking, gagging,
can’t get a breath,
can’t swallow or spit…
Relax! The dentist is almost done.

Be still
or risk cutting by the blade.
He’s breathing behind me,
moving closer,
touching here and there,
anticipated but startling,
smooth, deft, silent…
Take it easy. The barber won’t hurt you.

Close your eyes
and it won’t be as bad.
He’s looking at you,
naked and vulnerable,
touching down there,
feeling, pressing, probing,
low, soothing voice
asking personal questions…
No problems. Doctor says you’re fine.

Hold your breath
and pretend you’re not even there.
His arms go round your chest,
then reaching around your waist,
and now he kneels at your feet;
his hand slides up inside your thigh,
heart pounding, swaying on your feet…
OK – 32 waist and 30-inch inseam.

Lee

That was a hard one to read but it´s so awesome I can´t even say!

Alex

Thanks, Alex.

the whole poem was triggered by a dentist appointment yesterday. bad time. and when i started to write, it all came rushing out. but at least i'm seeing the connections and understanding what is going on and why and how to handle it better...

i was wondering if i should even post it because it seemed so graphic to me - but maybe that was because it was my own memories with the images and sensory stuff. and then i thought what if people think i'm making a joke out of it. but i wanted to show what it is like to have that happen.

lee

Hmmm yeah it seemed graphic to me too (especially the barber´s part) but I´ve never thought you´re making a joke out of this, actually I really love the style you´ve chosen.
That´s great that you´ve learned to handle things better.

Alex

Lee,

What a great piece of work. You did well interjecting some sanity into the fear. I don't often want to hear that the feelings I have are without merit, but they are. I can't bolt and run every time, and that still won't protect me. Thank you for the lovely poem.

Geoff

.

thanks, LAD.

woulda put a warning on it but the title says it all!

Lee