I can't comment on what his depression might be like. We all go through so much crap when we're depressed, and I'm thankful that my wife never held a grudge against me because of the way I treated her. I wasn't exactly mean or abusive toward her, but I was distant, untrusting, quiet, and whenever she asked about anything, I shrugged it off, ignored her, or ran away. When it comes to depress I think everyone is an individual. I've gone through so severe depression that I have blocked out periods of my life and this was well after the abuse ended. Your husband sounds like he also has severe attachment issues and I can relate very well to that. He just doesn't want to feel. We never want to feel, because our memories of "feeling" were memories of pain, humiliation, despair, anger, confusion, and innocence lost.
I don't think you are an abuser. Sometimes we victims have a way of laying the load on those people closest to us. You're in his line of fire right now and that's why I think it would be best for you to maybe separate for awhile... maybe forever. Since I came forward about my abuse in 2003 and reported it to law enforcement and the DA, I have learned one very important element to my experiences; It wasn't my fault! It wasn't the fault of my parents or anyone else who didn't have a clue what was going on in my life. It certainly wasn't my wife's fault. It's not your fault either!
Your husband is dealing with some tough issues right now and it just seems to me like he needs his time and you need yours. I hope whatever you decide to do will be the right choice. I wish you luck!
"I hurt myself today... to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain... the only thing that's real." - Johnny Cash