I dont know how many can relate but I thought I would post this
Dry
Lord I feel so dry. Not just thirsty but a gut wrenching thirst that nothing can satisfy. And trying to soothe is like pouring water on a hot plate; no matter how much is poured on eventually nothing is left and the end is worse than the beginning. How can I continue like this? Never in my life has it been this bad and at times it had been very bad! Thing is now that is not an option ….there is no option! There is nothing, just this hurt and why? What have I ever done to deserve this? At every opportunity I ran from anything that seemed to call me to a bad decision. Yes my mind still takes it from there leaving me wracked with guilt just because I am human, and leaves me with this constant shame DAMN IT! The fear, the confusion from the very pit of hell itself seems sent to torture me, and how very successful it has been! I pray, talk to God, sometimes even feel so close to Him but then the next episode hits and BAM! I’m right back in the crapper. I know he forgives, BUT WHY! Why am I condemned to this hell, this constant fight? Why can’t He just release me? Why can’t I be free? If it is for freedom that Christ set me free then why can’t I find it? I know he is there I have seen him work but what is happening now? I hurt so, so desperately, it is so much more then sadness so very much more. Just the sight of a genuine smile In a group of friends can make me jealous to the very pit of my soul. To try to do just simple things and find your mind simply cannot hold the instruction is so exasperating! To be so exhausted it seems hard to put one foot in front of the other and yet no desire to sleep, or rest for that matter. You eat maybe, but only because somewhere behind this cloud you know you must. And as you live like this you become more and more used up until it seems there is nothing left. Dry and broken like a thanksgiving wishbone. The only thing is no matter how it breaks….no wish is granted …and No one wins.

These are times that are so hard to walk thru...I wish I could give you words to make it end. I remember times like this...they are burdensome.

So much of what you wrote made me think of things I've read in Psalms..."O Lord, when wilt thou comfort me?"...

I know this feeling...I pray you find relief soon.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking
along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that
during the low periods of my life, when I was
suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,"You promised me
Lord, that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods
of my life there have only been
one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson


One of my favorite inspirational poems to remind me that God is always present.

Love Ya,

Lil'L