I am 30 years old. I have had issues with intimacy, to the point where I have had no intimate relationships. This all has bubbled to the surface lately because I learned that I was in love wit a girl from highschool. She just jumped back into my life. My problem is I have had a notion that my sexuality is not the same as everyone elses. I searched my self and found that it is merely an attraction. I remembered something, a dirty little memory that I recall as a funny memory. A older cousin and a curious, little boy who admired him.
I recall only one indecent act, not really perverted but borderline. I recall just a hint of a conversation about in appropriate touching. Now all seems to be forgotten. Missing gaps in this memory, and a pit of my stomach insecure feeling. But nothing more. These things are dotted here and there around the same time.
The idea of a repressed memory is extreemly frightening to me, nothing has come back, not sure if anything is there, but I am really scared for the first time in my life, I am extremely scared of what may come back.
How do I live with this fear, I have never felt this way, so out of control. I am not sure this will go away, or that anything even happened.
Any body know how to not be consumed by fear.