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#403240 - 07/11/12 05:40 AM Re: Love of God? [Re: Blessedcurse]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3513
Loc: somewhere in Africa
BC - You are really a complex and sensitive person and have a fascinating way of thinking and expressing yourself.
There is so much here that I can’t tackle it all at once. And keep in mind that I don’t necessarily have all the right answers. But this is what works for me. So I’ll respond to parts of your last 2 posts and save the rest for later…

*** “About the screen name. It’s from the song Blessed Curse by Funeral Mist and I guess it captures my conflicted feelings for my religiousness. To me, I’m starting to realise there is a difference between religion and god, and I want to distance myself from organised religion and still be in contact with god. The song Blessed Curse is made up by two “Christian” poems intertwined, both concerning the enormous punishment awaiting the person that doesn’t obey God. This is not my belief but it’s something I need to deal with since it’s kind of programmed in me. I think I need to deal with these distorted images of god to be able to connect with the real power of god.”***

I read the lyrics online and was really distressed by them. They are so negative! And though I can see why you would feel an affinity with those sentiments, by identifying yourself with them, it almost seems that you are attracting that negative energy or curse toward yourself. I hope that soon you’ll be able to distance yourself from statements like these and choose something more associated with life rather than death. Your post where you talk about the “inner well of light” is really beautiful: “I guess this inner well of light is what I see as the imprint of God in me. And I always could tap into that.” That’s not just a metaphor or poetic image – but I believe it is a spiritual reality! And it is a blessing – not a curse.

On the other hand, I completely agree with your desire to have nothing to do with the popular styles of organized religion – but still have a connection with God. And – I think that even those who think they really have a handle on God have “distorted images” as you said – so of course that applies to you and me as well. If God really is who the definition says he is – he is totally beyond our grasp of understanding. But I don’t think that lack of understanding has to separate us from the “real power of God.” If that were the case – none of us would ever qualify. I think the need and desire for God’s presence in our lives and admission of our lack is the only qualification necessary.

*** “The most difficult about that is that I feel unnormal and sort of insane knowing how I would reason, take on abuse for the protection of others and how I remember it all like it was ok.” ***

Well – I certainly wouldn’t say it was “normal” – but neither was the situation you were stuck in. actually – I’d say your actions were above normal – doing a good thing for a terrible reason – but with the best of intentions. So you have nothing to reproach yourself for on that count. In fact, I’d say you should take comfort in the fact that you did the best you possibly could in impossibly hard circumstances.

*** “Sadly, to be able to endure the abuse, I developed really negative ways of thinking of myself. It was just a fact that abuse was so much easier to endure when I kept telling myself I deserved it, I was worthless, I hated myself and wanted to die and so on.” ***

This is so common as a result of abuse that it can be predicted with almost 100% accuracy. And it is also a100% wrong way of thinking. You are not the only one that feels this way. We ALL feel that way – but we/you/I did NOT deserve it. We/you/I are not to blame. We/you/I take on the shame and guilt that are associated with the events but that belong to the perpetrators. Since there is no reasonable answer WHY it is happening to us/you/me – we have to try to make sense of it or go crazy – and since we feel bad, and are told we are bad, it is easier to accept that than fight it or come up with a logical answer to an absurd situation.

*** “Only now, when abuse have ended, I have tremendous difficulties in adjusting to a healthy life. I have my inner well intact, my ability to love and my moral compass. But sadly I completely associate love with self sacrifice. It was good that I chose that path being so little. I don't regret it and I respect my child self for it. I'm even grateful (to my child self, not god) for chosing this instead of closing to the inner well and perhaps being lost forever. But I never learned any other way to love than to sacrifice myself. That doesn't mean it has to be the same thing. But to me it is. I never learned otherwise.” ***

There is a quote that says “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” (I Corinthians 13:11) I think this is a good example of that. It worked well for your survival when you were a kid. But now it’s time to change your thinking. And it is a choice – not something that you cannot control – but a habit that can be broken and replaced with a better way of thinking.

OK - enuf for now... more later.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#403374 - 07/12/12 03:40 AM Re: Love of God? [Re: Blessedcurse]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Just a simple question: If some of us can't receive God's love, then what's the point? You would think God could fix that problem.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#403522 - 07/13/12 04:12 PM Re: Love of God? [Re: Blessedcurse]
scottyg Offline


Registered: 06/26/12
Posts: 253
Loc: Seattle
well, there's the circular argument that you haven't committed yourself to the Lord and opened your heart to God and that's why you're not receiving God's love. I tend to avoid circular arguments except when they suit my purposes.

I think of feeling gods love like stoking a short-haired dog like a pit bull or a dalmation. When I am moving in the right direction the dog feels smooth and the stroke is easy. That is how I describe a positive spirtual orientation or, colloquially, god's love. Conversely, if I am moving in the wrong direction it feels coarse not smooth and the motion is labored. That is a negative orientation where I am not feeling the love, so to speak.

To continue my ill-considered metaphor, I may become afraid of dogs. I'm afraid to approach a pit bull and because I do not reach out to feel I cannot feel anything one way or another. Boy that was a real stinker. My dog just took a crap. Sorry
_________________________
I've got a bike you can ride it if you like.
Its got a basket, a bell that rings
And many other things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could -but I've borrowed it.

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#403616 - 07/14/12 12:55 PM Re: Love of God? [Re: Blessedcurse]
Blessedcurse Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 93
Scottyg: I love your dog metaphor! Made my day.

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#403655 - 07/14/12 11:11 PM Re: Love of God? [Re: scottyg]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: scottyg
well, there's the circular argument that you haven't committed yourself to the Lord and opened your heart to God and that's why you're not receiving God's love. I tend to avoid circular arguments except when they suit my purposes.

I think of feeling gods love like stoking a short-haired dog like a pit bull or a dalmation. When I am moving in the right direction the dog feels smooth and the stroke is easy. That is how I describe a positive spirtual orientation or, colloquially, god's love. Conversely, if I am moving in the wrong direction it feels coarse not smooth and the motion is labored. That is a negative orientation where I am not feeling the love, so to speak.

To continue my ill-considered metaphor, I may become afraid of dogs. I'm afraid to approach a pit bull and because I do not reach out to feel I cannot feel anything one way or another. Boy that was a real stinker. My dog just took a crap. Sorry


Makes no sense to me. God, the bible was used as a weapon against me from the beginning by my sperm donor. You know, you're going to hell (for doing anything that upset my abusive prick, religious nutjob sperm donor like just being alive), you're worthless, you don't deserve me (or god). The bible says all that about you, you little worthless piece of shit! My sperm donor didn't allow me to have friends, hated it if I was happy (didn't show it often) because his religious bullshit told him so. My mom, who is too religious--all she thinks about never anything else, backed him up or didn't say anything. I got beat in the name of god, cursed at god's name, etc., etc. So, no, I don't get it. I think my mom thinks I'm going to some hell (I don't believe in it and neither do the Jews by the way). "Well, now that you're judging..." is what I think. haha I don't judge anyone.

Therefore, I don't believe god cares and hate the christan version (hate the muslim version, too) because of it. God is indifferent. Acknowledge god exists (however you want) and take care of the planet and others. That's it. Sun, moon, stars makes the most sense to me. Bigger than me, far away from me, god's there somewhere.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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