Newest Members
SiegmundNYC, TheGreatWhat, MyNameIsPaul, serenity38, vivo
12486 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Can-tex (45), cbchorn (41)
Who's Online
2 registered (Bluedogone, 1 invisible), 11 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12486 Members
74 Forums
64149 Topics
447594 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#402400 - 07/02/12 06:31 PM Re: Confidence/self confidence/being manly [Re: chambers]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1354
Hi Chambers,

There is a difference between having confidence and being a "manly man."

Confidence is something you build, starting with small successes. Do things outside of your comfort zone, but not so much that you are not able to do them, at first. Eventually you will go further out of your comfort zone.

If you are uncomfortable around people, it might mean going to the movies, even if you go alone. Perhaps joining a group of people who share your interests. Conversation will develop, usually superficial at first. But since the focus is the hobby / activity, the conversations of a more personal nature will be minimal since most people will want to discuss the activity at hand. If you have a dog, going to the dog park or where other "dog people" congregate is a good place to have non-threatening conversations and interactions.

The more you do these kinds of things, the more you will become comfortable around others.

Also, learning how to say "no" goes a long way toward building self esteem, if you find that you frequently do things for others even if you that is not what you want to do. Recognizing your needs and telling others when you are, and are not, available to meet theirs is important. Though frightening at first to tell others "no," it is essential for building self esteem and self worth.

Developing self confidence and self worth will help you with relationships.




Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

Top
#402410 - 07/02/12 08:34 PM Re: Confidence/self confidence/being manly [Re: chambers]
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
I think one of the first steps is recognizing that everyone has wants and needs and issues, just like I do. And that everyone has some version of this question that they have to deal with. Some people overcompensate aggressively and become jerks because of it, some people overcompensate the other way and become jerks because they can't be trusted to say what they really think. Then between the extremes we have the rest of the human race.

To me, as a man, being manly is being strong. To me that means strong enough to take myself seriously and to know that I can't be of any use to anyone else unless I know myself and can be clear to them about my boundaries, my needs, my wants and to be willing to hear their needs and wants and boundaries, too.

So much of social life is about balancing these boundaries.

The more generously honest I get about these issues, the better my social world becomes.

I think what people mostly need is to be heard, not necessarily to be satisfied. In other words if someone asks me to do something for them, I owe it to them to hear their request and then to respond honestly and swiftly.

I also know that we need each other. So sometimes it's a good thing to help each other out. So one has to watch the balance.

I think a lot of us end up like the giving tree, giving until there is nothing left. I think that's a bad thing to do. Much better to take the time to get to know oneself and to love that self. Then one can reach out to others as a whole man deserving of and at the same time freely giving respect.

What a fun thing to think about.

Thanks,

Danny

Top
#402428 - 07/02/12 10:53 PM Re: Confidence/self confidence/being manly [Re: chambers]
chambers Offline


Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 118
Loc: VA
Anomalous, I was trying to take yoga classes at my local gym, but pulled my groin so I've had to take a break from that. There isn't really much talking there though. I don't know, I can go be around people but I tend to avoid talking to them because I don't really have any interest in it. I only want connection with a woman as a girlfriend and I am apparently terrible at that.

I think I need to spend more time on myself and who I am w/o worrying about others. The saying "no" thing is a part I need to work on as well.

Originally Posted By: DannyT


I think what people mostly need is to be heard, not necessarily to be satisfied. In other words if someone asks me to do something for them, I owe it to them to hear their request and then to respond honestly and swiftly.


Maybe you're right, I thought when people tell you their problems you're supposed to try and help. It seems that judging from my past 2 relationships they just wanted me to listen.

Top
#402463 - 07/03/12 11:06 AM Re: Confidence/self confidence/being manly [Re: chambers]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 07:09 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

Top
#402476 - 07/03/12 01:33 PM Re: Confidence/self confidence/being manly [Re: bodyguard8367]
chambers Offline


Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 118
Loc: VA
Thanks bodyguard, that makes sense.

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.