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#40228 - 07/17/02 08:57 PM Another lost victim
Anonymous
Unregistered


Fellow men:

Today we received the terrible news about the finding of the body of the abducted 5 year old California girl. I hope and pray that her suffering was not great. May her soul know peace.

And, may we the survivors always remember that by the grace of a power beyond us we were fortunate enough to have survived our horrors. May we keep this fact in the front of our hearts and minds and use it to truly make the most of the rest of our lives. With humility and respect,

rafael


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#40229 - 07/18/02 01:05 AM Re: Another lost victim
Spider-man Offline
Member

Registered: 04/27/02
Posts: 57
Loc: NY
Not long after I remembered what happened to me, the thought crossed my mind that it could have been worse.

It doesn't help much. I want gratitude to have nothing to do with what happened to me.


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#40230 - 07/18/02 11:56 AM Re: Another lost victim
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
In many ways I envy her...I think living with the things many of us live with are more horrible than death....I guess I've always wished my uncle would have just killed me instead....michaelb \:\(


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#40231 - 07/18/02 02:16 PM Re: Another lost victim
jackjohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 23
Loc: Fallston, MD
I can't stand to hear of any child being hurt much less murdered. I know what you mean about thinking death would be better. There have been many a time I have thought to sleep forever would solve everything. But I kept thinking what it would do to my family. So I trudge on.

_________________________
jackjohn

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#40232 - 07/18/02 02:28 PM Re: Another lost victim
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 987
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Quote:
There have been many a time I have thought to sleep forever would solve everything. But I kept thinking what it would do to my family. So I trudge on.
JackJohn those words say rang with me. Isn't sad that only others can sometimes give us a reason to live. That the value of our own lives is not sufficient.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#40234 - 07/18/02 06:09 PM Re: Another lost victim
Spider-man Offline
Member

Registered: 04/27/02
Posts: 57
Loc: NY
Amen WillP.

But first you have to learn to fox your own demons before going after the real world ones.
Losing control in the presence of one of these parasites could be a very bad thing for the survivor not ready to handle it.


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#40235 - 07/18/02 07:34 PM Re: Another lost victim
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
we all have something to get over, some worse than others. and that is only a perception.

are pain is are pain it can't be compared.

it is real ! It is ours. It is sad she was killed and devistating to her family.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#40236 - 07/18/02 08:15 PM Re: Another lost victim
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
A life lost at a young age is a tragedy, any time before your time is up is too short.
I nearly lost my brother to suicide, thankfully alert friends found him and he's ok now, but I did lose a dear childhood friend who's history is the same as ours to suicide, and I know what pain it leaves behind. I'm fighting back the tears to write this.

The deviants that rape and kill are without doubt the lowest scum imaginable, and should be hounded to the bitter end.
I don't agree one bit that this poor girl is better off dead, there is a life after abuse and rape, not a perfect life I know, but a good satisfying life is possible and she should have had the chance we have.

The chance of recovery IS THERE, and we should be take the anger we feel at this poor childs death and turn it into strength through revenge.
Revenge is being strong and proving these abusers wrong.

WE CAN DO IT !!!

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#40237 - 07/19/02 12:06 PM Re: Another lost victim
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
How can you say death is not the answer...Do you really think you will suffer more in death than you have enduring what you've endured????....I had a baby brother die when i was young and i guess i've envied him all my life...At least this poor child does not have to endure the damage done to her...The more i try to "recover", the more i believe recovery is impossible for me and i have to question whether it is really possible for anybody....Maybe if her parents loved her and sought her real help, maybe.....unfortunately, i did not or do not have that love......i guess because i am unworthy......michaelb


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#40239 - 07/20/02 05:55 PM Re: Another lost victim
Anonymous
Unregistered


Bravo WillP and Lloydy!

I admire greatly each of your words and feelings. I agree so much. In WillP's words..."We were certainly not able to control what happened to us as boys, but we can definitely control how we let it affect us now." This is the kind of thought, feeling, frame of mind, attitude, etc. I try to hold onto in every moment. To take responsibility for my feelings, my actions, my words, and my healing. This is the only way to create for myself the kind of life I have always deserved.

WillP, reading your quote lifted my spirit and brought a smile to both my face and my heart. Thank you so much for what you said. I am going through a tough time in my life and your words helped guide me back onto a healthier path. May we all reach the place where we commit to creating and living the kind of lives all survivors deserve! Sincerely,

rafael \:\)


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#40240 - 07/20/02 06:44 PM Re: Another lost victim
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Thanks Rafael,
I know the loss of a life affects us all deeply, and I suppose it doesn't matter if the child dies as a victim or an adult SA victim takes their own life, the abuser is the murderer whichever way we look at it.

So many of us have been far too close to that narrow line, many are still still performing a desperate balancing act.
But I'm sure that as long as they have the will and the courage to come here and share their load with others, they will stay the right side of the line.

All the people I have experience of who have tried, or succeeded, in taking their own lives were living in secrecy about whatever problem they were enduring. I certainly did.
And that is surely the biggest problem, maintaining the secrecy, and keeping the facade of "being ok" to the outside world.
Share your burden with just ONE person and the load is shared and lightened. But I know it's hard.
The temptation, through depression, is to retreat back into the secret world once more. It looks an easy, comfortable place to be. We tell ourselves "say nothing, it's easier that way" but it isn't.
Tell the world, tell your friends, tell us- over and over again if you want, never shut up about it, 'cause if you do the bastards come creeping back into your head.

This topic, like many others, has drifted off at a tangent, but death's a hard thing to ignore, and like I said, if it happens it's another murder, even if a coroner says it's suicide.

Remember this from the M.A.S.H. theme tune ?
"that suicide is painless It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please....and you can do the same thing if you please."

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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