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#402234 - 06/30/12 05:16 PM Need your help w/ military reserve decision please
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 148
Loc: Minnesota
Greeting my brothers!

How's everyone doing this summer? Hopefully, staying cool.

I have a question that I would like your help and advice on, please.

Due to my CSA flashbacks starting several years into my military career, thankfully only after I joined the reserves, I have had several bad years where I didn't earn 50 points, changed branches and career fields several times, did some less than professional acts and was threatened with discharge for non-satisfactory attendance at least twice.

I also took a two year leave of absence right before I was going to be discharged the last time and then had to transfer into yet another branch in short order and ended up in a job that doesn't suit me at all. By the time I sought professional help in dealing with CSA, the damage to my marriage, civilian career path, collegiate work and military career had my ship torpedoed, taking on water and listing slightly.

So here's my question for you all. Should I just stay in this career field, potentially make it to E-7 and then retire or I can transfer within the same service into a career field that suits my skills, background and interests to a T. I may not make it to E-7 but I will be finally matched with my mental aptitude, living up to my potential and heading toward self-actualization.

I was originally avionics and loved it but that ship has sailed. I'm now too old to apply for a commission and it's something I will regret for the rest of my days.

What do you all think? Please feel free to ask for any additional background or contact me offline via email or phone.

Thank you all for your advice. Take care and heal well.

Your brother,

Jay

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#402569 - 07/04/12 09:45 PM Re: Need your help w/ military reserve decision please [Re: westsidej]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1284
Hi, Jay -

I noticed that this post has not been answered yet. I am not sure I have any answers for you on what is undoubtedly a much more complex subject than can be quickly written about, but thought I'd mention that you'd probably get a bigger response by reposting this in the general Male Survivor forum.
_________________________



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#402572 - 07/04/12 11:27 PM Re: Need your help w/ military reserve decision please [Re: westsidej]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Depends on what your goal is.

If you want to boost the retirement check, get your E7. If happiness means more make the lateral move.

Will post more when I stop traveling.

Brian
_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#402616 - 07/05/12 11:04 AM Re: Need your help w/ military reserve decision please [Re: westsidej]
weharry1959 Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
Jay - What does your heart tell you. If there were no barriers for you to overcome, what would you like to do? I'm a 50 year old guy who dealt with PTSD from ASA in military and also as a child.
I am still dealing with the PTSD, but my passion has been to be my own boss. It looks like it will happpen. I miss the Navy, excluding the abuse, it was the best experience of my life. I was a CT.
As far as your family goes, it's never too late, if you don't want it to be. May I suggest a book called the Love Dare?
Hang in there and anchors away! LOL.

Sincerely,
bill
_________________________
Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

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#404070 - 07/19/12 12:19 PM Re: Need your help w/ military reserve decision please [Re: westsidej]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 307
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi Jay,

Even though I served for 30 years in the Canadian Navy, I know only the basics of the US Navy's policies and proceedures, so I'll give you my Canadian view.

I would not have switched trades more than once (water under the bridge now) unless I was given a different Medical Category - e.g. no longer allowed to go to sea.

Yes, your CSA in all probability was at least indirectly responsible for some of your behaviour but you have to be willing to take responsibility for your actions.

If you were doing well before I started having flash-backs and hadn't started counselling, it may be worth while to let your Divisional Officer know. That way, he could watch out for you, and if your behaviour started to change back to the old ways, get you (back) into therapy.

By transferring as much as you did, you have given the impression you don't know what you want to do. If you want to go up to an E-7, you have to now pick a trade and set out to prove to yourself and everybody else, especially those who will be doing your yearly evaluations and maintain excellent conduct especially with your history that you deserve to be promoted.

Good luck with your career, getting rid of your CSA demons and if you haven't seen a therapist, get one ASAP who is trained in trauma or preferably Male CSA.
_________________________
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#406130 - 08/07/12 06:20 PM Re: Need your help w/ military reserve decision please [Re: westsidej]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 148
Loc: Minnesota
Howdy all,

Thanks for your advice. I'm tired right now. Tired of fighting the csa abuse, flashbacks, being aroused by thinking of my abuse, how it's affected me, my family, my career, my life choices, et al.

I will check out that book Love Dare, thanks.

Actually, I am going to just hold tight for now since the base closure is now on temp. hold and I think that I see a way I can make Msgt. before I retire, which is really my ultimate goal and I can move into a leadership role and also another part of the career field that suits my skills more than my current assignment.

Thanks for all of your help and for your insight. Take care and hope to see you around the site.

Jay
_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#414431 - 10/27/12 02:46 AM Re: Need your help w/ military reserve decision please [Re: Sailor John]
jggab Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 53
Loc: California
Well said Sailor John.

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#414457 - 10/27/12 10:53 AM Re: Need your help w/ military reserve decision please [Re: westsidej]
weharry1959 Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
Dear West... it won't make a difference what career path you choose until you get a handle on the CSA. The VA has a program called cognitive therapy. I went through it with a niave understanding that I'd be cured. Nearly through the 12 weeks when I discovered that there is "no" cure. But I have been given the tools to help me deal with my past. Second, where is your passion? If time, money, education, experience, family, health, etc....offered no barriers, what would you want to do? With regard to you past and it has topedoed your future. It doesn't have to be that way. You can be an agent to affect change in your life and not allow your past to dictate your future.
It's not easy, I sit nearly everyday and struggle, but I've got the tools to make it through the day and that's all I can ask, it make it through the day and plan for tomorrow. Sometimes, I can only forgive for today. A trigger may happen that makes me feel vulnerable and desire to regress. I have to say, triggers are gonna happen, if I have to, I'll forgive again and ask for forgiveness. IT's extremely hard, almost feels insurmountable, but persistence and consistence (or slow and steady) will win the race.
_________________________
Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

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#414643 - 10/29/12 12:37 PM Re: Need your help w/ military reserve decision please [Re: westsidej]
WayTooConfused Offline


Registered: 10/28/12
Posts: 48
Loc: Florida
First off your never to old to apply. Don't regret it, being too old is only a state of mind. If you decide not to pursue a Commission, then don't but at least stay in and try to make it to E-7. If you can get a full military pension out of it then make sure you can get that accomplished. Pensions are hard to come by, but once you get it, thrive in knowing that it's yours to keep forever...
_________________________
Sick and tired of being Sick and tired.

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