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#402164 - 06/29/12 05:34 PM Who Dunnit?
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi All
I am trying to find out from those that have embarked on the healing journey
What is, In your opinion, the Best 12 STEP PROGRAM for male survivors.
Is there one specific one for Survivors?
Do we use the AA steps?
The SSAA Steps?
The CODA Steps?

Need some input here guys, Please

Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
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#402181 - 06/29/12 10:24 PM Re: Who Dunnit? [Re: whome]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
The steps are all the same, with the exception of WHAT one is powerless over- alcohol, sex, debt, gambling, etc.

The steps are instructions for universal spiritual principles that transcend cultures, religions, and practices. Being honest wih ones self and others, finding guidance from a higher power or understanding or God or group of drunks (g.o.d.), stopping destructive thinking and behaviors, restoring relationships, helping others and sharing only ones direct "experience, strength and hope."

To go to most 12 step meetings, you have to qualify for membership- alcoholics don't like discussion of sex addiction, and gamblers look askance at drug addicts, for example. Commonness of purpose and suffering and, most importantly, a shared solution. Some groups have open meetings where anyone is welcome but participation is usually Limited to those with that specific problem.

I am blessed to have gotten sober in AA during college- my violent and destructive episodes of drinking were my first escape from my abuse. I felt power, control, and free when I drank- I also got overwhelmed with bottled up emotions and dug a deeper hole for my life, relationships and future.

Later on, my sexual acting out did the same thing. And I needed SAA to find healthy sexuality and help me stop the compulsion to being destructive with sex-which was really stemming from my abuse to begin with.

The simple formulat of the 12 steps is to admit the problem and ask for help from those who have a siolution. Stop making excuses and follow some simple steps to reclaim your life and find deeper connections and meaning and purpose.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#402183 - 06/29/12 11:05 PM Re: Who Dunnit? [Re: whome]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I know very little about 12-stepping but it sounds like those 12 step programs would be very focused toward people with specific issues (like alcoholism, sex addiction, etc). whereas wouldn't it make sense to make up our own 12 steps that focus on stuff that is unique to being a survivor?
_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#402184 - 06/29/12 11:41 PM Re: Who Dunnit? [Re: whome]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 07:03 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#402193 - 06/30/12 06:15 AM Re: Who Dunnit? [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Thanks Guys

A lot of good info here. I will look into it all and try to go to a couple of meetings to see what they are like.

Thanks Guys

Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#402207 - 06/30/12 12:46 PM Re: Who Dunnit? [Re: whome]
JoeUniverseHP Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 72
I feel like a broken record, so you may want to search my previous posts for my trajectory. But briefly, I now go to (in order of frequency <i.e. how many meetings per week): SLAA, AA, SIA (SIA merged with sexual abuse survivors anon in 1981 I think- they define incest broadly as any sort of breach of trust from a teacher, clergyman, etc- any abuse basically), Alanon.

I also go to a male sex abuse support group twice a month.

I am also doing a lot of yoga.

Most specific to the abuse stuff would be SIA, and then SLAA (I'm told 95% of people in SLAA have been sexually abused). Feel free to pm or ask me any questions about these meetings.

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