- the thoughts are merely my own - not necessarily truths for others. This is what I have discovered for myself, and share it here...I
t sometimes takes a while to see the lies as they really are, doesn't it? "Sexuality is a choice." "Homosexuality is immoral."
I think - certainly after five years of this - you finally know better. After five years of turmoil and guilt and agonizing over this issue about your identity - you end up exactly where you've always been. You haven't budged an inch towards heterosexuality. But just who have you been fighting for? Yourself? Or were you just struggling to conform to what you think society thinks you should be?I
went through a similar struggle. In the end , the toughest thing about being gay was not the emotional component, the sexual component or even the lifestyle component per se - it was choosing to OWN my life and live it for ME and the people I love and NOT to spend what precious time I have appeasing the narrow-minded sensibilities of those I don't even know and who frankly could give a crap if I'm straight or not. But we are used to being put in pliable messes, aren't we? We are used to others dictating our sexual mores - first the abuser who makes us participate in what we know is wrong, then the general public who tell us to participate in what they know is right. What about US? Where do we come in and finally take ownership of ourselves - tell the others ENOUGH!K
eep close counsel with others here who have had similar struggles. This is a unique place with unique perspectives and experiences. And for what it's worth - after all the the talk of SSA vs Gay
- frankly, I STILL don't think we've talked it through enough. There is incredible confusion out there and it muddies up further the most important quest for all of us - to know ourselves and accept ourselves. That to me is the only way we truly own ourselves and step away from the abuse.A
s far as your sexuality possibly being linked to your sexual abuse - you should free yourself of that accountability right now. If you harbor those feelings, somebody needs to tell you it wasn't your fault. As children, we were Bonsai trees, pruned and clipped to grow at our abuser's whims. They had the power to take. And they did. But we had the power to adapt, to bend, to flex. And so we did what was in our nature to do as children. Our abusers in their twisted perspectives saw that as weakness, as agreement, as surrender. But it was our strength. We grew as the forces of the world around us so directed us to. A
m I gay because of my abuse? I don't know. But it took me a long time to realize that accepting my sexuality did NOT mean I was accepting or condoning what happened to me. It meant I was embracing who I was and who I had to become. That's the final word - and I'm happy to say my abuser did NOT leave with me the eternal self-blame, the inner conflict. The blame and shame is his alone. I have become who I am and I totally own that - not him. Not the church. Not the moral conservatives. Not anyone but ME.I
n the end, it all came down to what one wise doctor told me in a book when I was six. I read it before but never really understood
it. It was such a simple lesson, but the truths in life ARE simple. Dr. Seuss said it best...Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.