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#414331 - 10/26/12 07:21 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1937
Loc: durham, north england
lav25 I totally agree, it's weerd how some do and yet I cannot. But I've found that if I start comparing myself to others that is not a good road to go down at all, indeed i think the relationship thing is the only time I've felt genuinely jealous of other survivers particularly in F&F, sinse the more I read some woman saying "my husband is an utter bastard and has behaved like a s scum bag but I love him" the worse I felt, the idea that I! would commit such acts as some of the women in F&F describe seems to me utterly illogical, yet who had the relationship?

That again is why I had to decide to stop, sinse not only was maintaining the hope in ahving the sort of experience I wanted too much, but also i disliked what it made me feel towards others.

In fairness this might well be related to my abuse. the knolidge that the physically closest anyone has been to me was while calling me a fucking bastard and spitting in my face hurts.

I recently got through a friends' wedding, by basically not listening to the service.

Hence my resolution.

it might not be best for everyone else, for me it is really the only way not to hurt, sinse the hole relationship business is just too painfull and too unfair, and does bad things to me.

I wish anyone who wants to try good luck, and I can now genuinely say i hope it works for you, but that is not my path.

for me there is always music and creativity and the rest of life, which is a far better goal to aim at than something I cannot achieve which only ever causes pain.

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#415065 - 11/02/12 10:04 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
Cassialla Offline


Registered: 11/02/12
Posts: 7
I am actually the girlfriend of someone that was sexually abused by the females in his family from he was 9yrs old to about 12.He lost his virginity to one of those females.I just recently found this out.He is an extremely loving person,very affectionate and aware of my emotional needs.He's not very sexual tho,it comes in spurts.Sometimes I wait a whole 2weeks before we have sex only because I try to give him space because I want him to know I care and understand what he may feel toward women sexually in his adult life.But I am a woman at my sexual peak and have needs and don't want to pressure him.I try to use different methods like sex toys.I have tried to please him with fellatio but he won't let me do it and simply says that it does nothing for him.AND he just revealed to me that he is not sensitive at all down there.So I am very distraught because here I was thinking he was enjoying sex and feeling everything when he was not!He does say that he enjoys it because there's the strong emotional attachment he has with me and he loves me but he just is not sensitive there.Do you think his abuse has de-sensitized him?I am so mad at those women for doing that to him and that part of his adult life is taken away from him.Feels like the relationship will never be complete if that problem is not fixed.I want him to want me like I want him and feel what I feel sexually.Are there any ladies with this same problem?

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#420792 - 01/03/13 07:30 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
Justaname Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 17
Wow, I've neglected my own thread here, I haven't checked in in months frown I need to have a read through everyone's responses

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