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#401527 - 06/24/12 10:58 AM Stop The Bleeding
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Iyanla Vanzant recently said on TV, “Until you heal the wounds of your past you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, or alcohol, or drugs, or work, or sex, or any addiction you want, but eventually it will stain your life. And you will continue to bleed until you find the core of your pain and develop the strength to deal with the memory and make peace with it.”

She goes on to say that P-A-I-N stands for: Pay Attention Inward Now. I take this to mean we must personalize the pain and find the solutions inwardly-internally not externally.

I understand that each experience of abuse is as unique as the victim’s way of surviving. While individual history is important, pain is pain so detailing the specifics of my experience is not as important as what I did not only to survive it but how I healed my soul from the inside. There is a old Texas saying, “Sometime you have to rise above your raisin.”

True, some secrets are hard to share. Some words are hard to write. Silence can create an imaginary safety net. Breaking the silence feels like breaking a promise, sometimes putting your relationships or your reputation at risk.
However, for some men when the pain of secrecy outweighs the risk of opening up, or when opening up seems less risky than before, then the willingness to see themselves as having been victims opens the door to tremendous healing and, paradoxically, greater personal strength. For me, bringing it to the surface also resulted in the closest relationship I have ever had with my Savior Jesus Christ. This has become my “spiritual awakening.” I feel the power of the Atonement and His loving Grace more strongly now than ever before in my life. He is the one that is healing my damaged soul and heart. Notice I said healing-not healed-this is an on-going process. It takes a lifetime. I hold onto “The Rod” by doing the best I can and never giving up while he stops my bleeding with his Grace and Atonement. This is the only way that I have been able to find the core of my pain and make peace with it. It is the only way that I have found to stop the bleeding.

Thanks for listening,
Ted
_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#401589 - 06/24/12 06:21 PM Re: Stop The Bleeding [Re: Tedure]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Wonderful work here Ted, this share transcends trauma including and well beyond male sexual abuse. Silence does create an imaginary safety net, but it dissociates the victim from the help they could receive and the empathy they could turn towards to heal inside ourselves.

There is power in public disclosure and advocacy, provided the survivor is ready, and provides affirmation for our core.

Thank you!
Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#401628 - 06/25/12 01:30 AM Re: Stop The Bleeding [Re: Tedure]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Sam,

Thanks for your kind words and you are so right when you say there is power in public disclosure.

Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

I believe that Words save us. Words heal us. They empower us because they allow us to feel. They tether us to our own truth.
Words have taken me back to my memories. They have shown me the truths I couldn’t see before, and feel what I couldn’t feel before. We can’t rewrite our own histories but we can learn the truth about them. In learning find
respect and in respect find strength and find our true selves. Words allow us to let go of the past or embrace the
truth in it. Either way the truth will set us free… and speaking or writing these words releases the shame.

Thanks again, Ted
_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#401731 - 06/26/12 02:39 AM Re: Stop The Bleeding [Re: Tedure]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Thanks for showing me the mountain I still need to climb Ted smile
Being a survivor is not easy if it were then everyone would be one. Have a wonderful day Mike

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#401868 - 06/27/12 01:37 AM Re: Stop The Bleeding [Re: Tedure]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Mike, Thanks for your comment.

I don't like to think of it as a mountain but rather just a slight incline where you just try to do a little better every day while being kind to yourself and others. Actually writing this to you helps me. It brings me back to my inner solution and helps stop me from looking to the outside for answers. I can also feel the inner strength of Christ in my life that the outside world sometimes distracts me from.
Take care, Ted
_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#401884 - 06/27/12 05:27 AM Re: Stop The Bleeding [Re: Tedure]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Tedure
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

I believe that Words save us. Words heal us. They empower us because they allow us to feel. They tether us to our own truth.
Words have taken me back to my memories. They have shown me the truths I couldn’t see before, and feel what I couldn’t feel before. We can’t rewrite our own histories but we can learn the truth about them. In learning find
respect and in respect find strength and find our true selves. Words allow us to let go of the past or embrace the
truth in it. Either way the truth will set us free… and speaking or writing these words releases the shame.


Ted - i found this very insightful and encouraging. i am a high school English teacher. i think some of my students could really benefit from hearing this. could i have your permission to quote you to my class? i would not have to mention the source or context of the quote if you prefer.

either way, thanks for posting it.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#401956 - 06/27/12 03:20 PM Re: Stop The Bleeding [Re: Tedure]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Lee,

Of course you can use the post anyway you like. I am an Elementary school teacher so it's good to hear from another teacher. A lot of the above post I have borrowed from other sources such as Shakespeare and added some of my own thoughts and words.

take care, Ted
_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#401981 - 06/27/12 09:14 PM Re: Stop The Bleeding [Re: Tedure]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Thanks, Ted.

I have been amazed at how much has been revealed in my students' writing. and how positive an experience it can be in terms of healing and spiritual meditation. i've read some of George MacDonald's and Andrew Greeley's devotional poetry - as well as Gerard Manley Hopkins and John Donne and have tried it myself. it is a valuable exercise that i hope to encourage in "my kids."

Grace & peace,
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#401988 - 06/27/12 11:07 PM Re: Stop The Bleeding [Re: Tedure]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Writing and Journaling my life and childhood has really help me heal...even if I just write it and burn it. So far I have over 50 pages. The part above is just a sampling....Keep those kids writing!!!

Ted
_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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