Newest Members
Lumpy, squeekinby, rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms
12369 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
aleja (40), bc22 (47), DavidMI (40), Forrest_Gump (39), Jay1946 (68), Malc4 (29), mpm01 (49), widpaulman (43)
Who's Online
6 registered (Doubter, finallyhere, OCN, 3 invisible), 11 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12369 Members
74 Forums
63571 Topics
444154 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#400910 - 06/19/12 07:34 PM Monster
dragon Offline


Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 355
Loc: on the river between Hades n V...
A teenager walks into the room
head down and fists clenched
tears streaming down his face
sobs beings heard today

everyone see's a broken and hurt child
never the teenager that sits at the table
never the young father
just the hurt child in pain

i walked in to see you sitting there so coy
smile on your face from ear to ear
a brief laugh as i walked past you
i raised my head long enough to see you wink at me

i didn't want to come today
i beg and pleaded the many excuses to not go
i wasn't heard like i wasn't heard by you or the group
i am extremely tired and have no fight left

sitting at the table with my head down
i got my wish not to be in room with you
i can still see you and feel your eyes
it takes me a while to even answer as panic sets in

tears run down as i have to give details
details only you and i knew and kept secret
secrets no longer being kept
i hear gasps and people choking on their own tears

i look up slightly to still see your coy smile
laughing still i can see
i was only just a mere play toy to you and your group
every scar and every story is told

recess really isn't recess
no playground or friends to play on slides await me
just quietness and then reassurance
hands grab at me to hold me to each of them

No fun games to play
No lunch i am throwing up still
Fever and Panic sky high
I want to run but can't move

back at the table
more questions after questions
i choke on my tears and memories coming full term
i am so sick i throw up without warning

a break to settle me down
i can't do this
his eyes are forever on me
undressing me like normal as to tear me down

More accusations towards me to try to save him
I throw up again
crying harder and shaking
GOD make him stop

i can't answer the questions bombarding me
i can't breathe as panic goes higher and higher
i feel so damned sick can't they see it
more throwing up as i try to answer

judge screaming
lawyers screaming back and forth
strike that, over ruled, objective, based on what grounds
recess, break, your honor he can't, he can, he won't, he will

His eyes on me the whole time
smiling and winking every time i raise my head
fists clenched as hatred and fear rise in me now
GOD make the shut the fuck up

SHUT UP!!
STOP!!
FUKING LEAVE ME ALONE!!
on my knees and sobing i utter I love him but I hate him

how can i love the monster i am confronting
the monster that sold me and tortured me
the monster that used and abused me
the monster whom i should call father by legality

arms around me holding me tight
i know the voice and accent
it is my Russian angel and savior
my Russian pimp and covert agent

Kind words spoked from one who should be cold
tears in his eyes as they should be filled with hate
gentle hugs compared to lashings and beatings
raises me up and sits me in the chair and stays infront of me

You can do this i know you can
You must go on its now over
Tell them and regain the control back
My Prince its over he won't hurt you

words i hear constant
I love you
Your are stronger than he is
End it now and forever

beginning of your life
he's a monster
he's evil
out of all this i only hear MONSTER

a break being called
NO, I CAN and WILL FINISH IT
deep breath taken as i shake
i finish this game

i barely can walk
i managed somehow though to be in front of him
standing and staring him in his eyes
smiling he is

the blackest of heart
the darkest blackest of eyes
versus the reddest of heart
and the ice blue cobalt blue eyes

Destroyer
Rapist
Sadist
Torturer
Killer
Abuser
Evil
and many more words i say but never FATHER
he knows he has no power now
i am done
i am carried practically out by my coach

I stood in front of you today
I stood in front of you reclaiming my soul
I stood and defeated you like no other
I defeated you you monster go back to hell
_________________________
I don't want to look back;I just want to start again;Somebody save me--- Pop Evil: Broken and Betrayed

I want justice I want you overthrown;I want courage I want to stand alone;I want your arrogance and I want your pain;I want your everything and I want you dead--- Rev Theory: Justice

Top
#400981 - 06/20/12 04:34 AM Re: Monster [Re: dragon]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3397
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Jayy - i sometimes can't read your work because it just hurts too much. this one hurt to read too. but i'm glad i read it.

i hope it helps you to get it out. i hope it helps others to understand...

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#401026 - 06/20/12 10:45 AM Re: Monster [Re: dragon]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 06:50 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.