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#400738 - 06/18/12 05:54 AM Good things about being male?
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1991
Loc: durham, north england
I know that in the past I've often cursed the fact that I happened to be born male. My physical reactions, my attraction to girls, my libido, the social sterriotypes about males being dumb, stupid apes, even the choice of clothes available, I hate the fact that as a man there are no swimming costumes which cater to my intensive of being seen undressed, and the fact that you have so little choice of colour or style when it comes to formal dress, (everyone in black and white tuxes is just depressing!), and most of all the social rolls men are forced to play in initiating relationships, all are things i really hate.

In this thread however, i thought it might be fun to actually start listing good things about being male, either socially or in terms of experience.

First and formost, I think for me the main thing I like about being male is being a tenor. There are far more women who sing, and indeed many sopranos have voices that all sound the same. Being a tenor, --- what's more being a tenor with a more rounded, rich sound, I have a distinct advantage in that I'm quite rare and in demand, plus, it tends to be the tenors, as opposed to baritones or still less so bases, who get the most romantic music to sing.

usually I hate being male, but that is something I appreciate distinctly.

There is absolutely zero chance or expectation that I have to have children. I love animals, and get on very well with extremely young babes up to about 18 months, but children over that age, the sort of not quite people but not quite animals either I find I have a real dislike of. This isn't uniquely gender specific, I have several feamale friends who feel just the same way about kids as I do, but where as for them a dislike for children and desire not to have any is seen as unusual or odd, for me it's far more acceptable. Of course, there are men who love! children, indeed I have a best friend who's just had his first daughter and is absolutely besotted with her, yet sinse this isn't a desire or an appreciation I happen to have, the gender sterriotype that men do not do children serves me slightly here.

Funnily enough, I can't think of anything else. I can think of lots more things I dislike about being male, people's atitudes, dislike of empathy etc, but very little I actually like, sinse even things like promotion of independence outside the home and the ability to be perceived as having some sort of compitance are pretty much no longer exclusively male attributes in society, ---- indeed we're almost getting to the point now where any positive ideas of masculinity have been appropriated by women, while men are just left with the most negative of male sterriotypes and aren't permited to acquire any positive feminine characteristics such as compassion, honesty with emotions, verbal ability (just see the length of my posts), delight in a pleasant environment (people think I'm weerd when I explain how much i enjoyed choosing the carpits, curtans and other decorations for my flat, and still more when I do house work).

Then again I realize that on the traditional male/female scale I'm much closer to the feminine end of the spectrum, ---- probably around the %75 or %80 mark, (the feminine characteristics of dependence, shallowness, desire for admiration of others and and self obsession certainly aren't ones I would desire in myself), so it might be that I'm just not really able to connect with much that is positive about being a man anyway.

Robert Heinlein in fact once predicted that the future would contain four sexis, with male and female being separated from biological gender entirely, though whether this will happen I'm not sure. The ideal of course would be a permissive, gender equality centered soceity where characteristsic were not associated with any biological gender at all, ---- though i doubt very much that will actually happen, especially with the current extremely sexist focus we have, and the fact that while sexism against women though it still exists is being rapidly undermined, few people actually assume it's even possible! for men to be the victims of sexism at all.

Oh dear, this sort of went off the rails a bit I'm afraid, ---- but perhaps people have some thoughts?

Luke.

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#400745 - 06/18/12 10:03 AM Re: Good things about being male? [Re: dark empathy]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
In Recovery I have learned to shed some of my negative self protecting ideas about myself, my gender, my sexuality and my relationships. (the 12 steps, meditation, sharing with other supportive males, and in particular doing an initiation weekend training by The Mankind Project have helped immensely.)

Before that work, I felt more like a boy than a man-

What is good about males? We have a strength and a depth that can serve and protect our loved ones, the vulnerable, and our communities and world.

We can work like crazy when the need calls. We mentor boys. We help model mature masculinity for women and girls. We do battle with the forces of bad-whether it is in our own recovery or in fulfilling our life's mission.

Those are attributes of mature men. There are, sadly many many examples of immature and destructive men who selfishly hurt, take, and destroy and are caught up in their own selves, wounds, and fear that they cannot contribute much.

I choose to keep in recovery and do my work so this world is a better place.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#400748 - 06/18/12 10:36 AM Re: Good things about being male? [Re: dark empathy]
WriterKeith Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 949
Loc: southern California
Luke and Mtn. Buck,
You have much more class than I. My list is fundamental, and it's enough for me.

1. I am not subject to makeup, fashion, or shopping, the Holy Trinity of femininity.
2. I can do and say dumb things once in a while and it seems expected and overlooked because, “That’s a man for ya.”
3. I can reserve the right to waste gas and time finding my destination instead of asking for directions.
4. I’ll never trip in platform shoes or high heels.
5. I won’t be carrying a growing child in my abdomen for 9 months.
6. I will never scream in pain while a human being finds its way out of my body.
7. No one else has to “do” my hair, help me with a zipper, or “get that last hook in the back.”
8. I have never known and never will know the pinch of a bra strap.
9. I can pack light for trips.
10. If I bleed once a month it’s because it involves a power tool and someone uttering the words, “Be careful.”

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#400770 - 06/18/12 03:11 PM Re: Good things about being male? [Re: dark empathy]
Mulligan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 94
Loc: USA
I can piss standing up!
_________________________
Because I never give up the fight!

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#400773 - 06/18/12 03:38 PM Re: Good things about being male? [Re: dark empathy]
WriterKeith Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 949
Loc: southern California
LOL..

Mulligan, years ago my friends, a couple, visited the wife's elderly parents in Colorado for the holidays. The parents were driving the couple to dinner one night when the wife asked her dad where that cold air was coming from.
Silence.
She asked again.
Silence.
The elderly mother spoke up and said,"Well, Fred, tell them what you've done."
Silence.
"Tell them!"
The elderly father had drilled a hole in the floorboard of the car so he could use a funnel and piss while he's driving.

Ever since my friends told me about that, I've made certain my windshield washer fluid is kept FULL.

Ya just never know.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#400775 - 06/18/12 03:44 PM Re: Good things about being male? [Re: dark empathy]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1350
I thank God I am a male when I see the shorter bathroom line wends invariably to the men's room during intermission.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#400776 - 06/18/12 03:50 PM Re: Good things about being male? [Re: dark empathy]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
You can sport a shaven head at any time without too much difficulty.

You can spit on the ground.

You don't have to shave your legs, bikini wax, pluck your eyebrows.

You can go topless without getting arrested.

It's expected that you not attend wedding or baby showers.
_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#400780 - 06/18/12 06:22 PM Re: Good things about being male? [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1991
Loc: durham, north england
Hmmm, the odd thing is, as someone who did used to have a pony tale down to my waste, I actually vaguely understand if not eh hair obsession certainly need to deal with it, sinse like anything else if not taken care of it just gets vial, this isn't to say I was nuts about it, but I did have preferd brands of shampoo, conditioner etc, I had to brush it fairly regularly and sleep with it tied back.

Also, as to the fashion, children and shopping obsessions, I don't think those are a given for a woman, just the same way being obsessed with beer sport and pinups are obsessions for a man, though where as in society it's far more acceptable to be a woman and deviate from that sterriotype (I have many female friends who do), it's not that way if your male.

Btw, I agree about the dressing issue, however an amusing fact is on the occasions i have worn full victorian evening dress complete with a wastecoat front and tale coat, I quite understood why a victorian gentleman needed a vallet to dress him, sinse to hook the straps that hold the wastecoat front in place requires either another person, or being a contortionist!

I will admit that being able to pee in a bush is one that never occurred to me sinse it's not something I'm comfortable doing and have only done a couple of times in the past, though it is true, and certainly I remember when I was cycling in ireland I'd have had severe problems on a 50 mile cycle through the country in the extremely hot weather if I hadn't! been able to use a bush.

More seriously, on the hole strength and protectiveness issue, ---- well being a pacifist and visually impared that is an absolute none starter for me, indeed even if I weren't! visually impared I don't think i'd ever want to be in a position of having to use violence against another person, it's just not something I could conceive myself doing.

As to the hole "mature masculininity" thing, I'm not really sure what that means, sinse I just tend to treat everyone naturally as a reasonable person, not try to exemplify anything, just be myself and not much else, sinse that's all I am.
Indeed, most of the time I tend to think of "being male" about as important to me as "being five foot 9" it just isn't a fact of much significance, other than the significance society places upon it. That's also why I hate people saying sterriotypical stuff about men or women.

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#400785 - 06/18/12 07:42 PM . [Re: dark empathy]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 10:15 PM)

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#400815 - 06/18/12 11:43 PM Re: Good things about being male? [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1991
Loc: durham, north england
Lifes a dream yes, I agree. The double standard that feminists create is ridiculous. on the one hand women are still in need of protection, on the other they're free to do their own thing, ---- on one occasion i had a feminist lecturer tell me in a down right aggressive and threatening way how women were emotionally not up to being threatened by men (quite ironic as she was threatening me at the time).

I also am appauled that if a woman leaves a man and is singer she's being a "strong woman" where as if a man leaves a woman he's being a "bad provider"

And don't get me started on gender rolls in initiating relationships, ---- god I hate those so much!

At some point I do feel I'd like to write up my own experiences, just to prove what a bunch of poor, defenseless teenaged girls did to me, but I'm so afraid that I'd just get angry while reading up any of the research for such a paper.

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