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#400514 - 06/15/12 03:11 PM ? to Survivors re: Multiples in Therapy
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Dear Survivors with dissociated identities:

I read Blessedcurse's posts concerning having different alters. Much of his conflict my friend has, but my friend has only trickled out this information over years.

BC's alter wrote he wanted to talk about his relationship with his other alters and himself, but in therapy he just gets silent and embarassed because he "knows it's the normal person's domain and I know I'm just crazy and stupid for having this experience of being someone else."

My friend's child alter doesn't tell me he feels stupid about therapy. His reason for not talking he tells me, is that therapy is too intrusive. How do I convince this 13 year old alter talking to the therapist is a healthy thing to do?

Thanks,
D.
_________________________
Female.

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#400526 - 06/15/12 05:00 PM Re: ? to Survivors re: Multiples in Therapy [Re: Disappointed]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
According to my reading, multiples go to therapy for another symptom, such as depression. They don't know they have it. Maybe the most difficult thing for multiples is to develop trust. They have been badly hurt by others and they don't know how to trust.

In the book, A Fractured Mind, by Robert B. Oxnam, he originally went to the therapist because of his alcohol problem and because he had flashes of anger that were threatening to his staff. Even his therapist didn't "realize" until a new personality, Bobby, popped out in a therapy session. Bobby was a troubled 11-year-old.

http://www.amazon.com/Fractured-Mind-Multiple-Personality-Disorder/dp/1401308686/

At the end of the book it is mentioned that there might be as many as 10,000 cases of multiples in New York City.

Puffer

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#400583 - 06/16/12 10:46 AM Re: ? to Survivors re: Multiples in Therapy [Re: Disappointed]
Blessedcurse Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 93
My experience is that alters have learned to be protected. My systems main goal has been for many years to hide that something is wrong, to seem normal. So for alters to actually come out and talk to a person took tremendous time and trust building relationship work. A little bit easier for me was to, as an adult alter, listen to the child alter inside and sort of translate to the therapist. Like "I know its stupid but my child alter says he doesn't want to talk to you, he just wants to hide over there behind the sofa..."

But I think if a child alter says therapy is too intrusive, then maybe it is. Maybe this friend of yours just needs to respect his child alter, let him hide until he feels safe enough and trusts he won't be intruded on.

Also, an alter not talking in therapy doesn't mean the alter is not there. My experience is that all alters, or most, are there listening. That's why I can get so strange reactions, like all of a sudden be completely angry for no apparent reason. Then an alter has listened inside to the conversation and been upset about something that the talking alter didn't find upsetting.

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#400590 - 06/16/12 12:33 PM Re: ? to Survivors re: Multiples in Therapy [Re: Blessedcurse]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Blessedcurse
... for alters to actually come out and talk to a person took tremendous time and trust building relationship work.

Yes. I think that in the book I cited above, it was at least a year and a half before Bobby appeared.
Quote:

A little bit easier for me was to, as an adult alter, listen to the child alter inside and sort of translate to the therapist. Like "I know its stupid but my child alter says he doesn't want to talk to you, he just wants to hide over there behind the sofa..."

That's a good comment. I think some alters in hiding may not even know what's going on with the therapist. Some are forced into seclusion because of the toxic nature of the memories.
Quote:

But I think if a child alter says therapy is too intrusive, then maybe it is. Maybe this friend of yours just needs to respect his child alter, let him hide until he feels safe enough and trusts he won't be intruded on.

I think that is true also. I think a therapist has to be careful not to offend someone. It may be nearly impossible.
Quote:

Also, an alter not talking in therapy doesn't mean the alter is not there. My experience is that all alters, or most, are there listening.

This is true.


Puffer

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#400594 - 06/16/12 02:23 PM Re: ? to Survivors re: Multiples in Therapy [Re: Disappointed]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Guys,
This is VERY interesting.

Quote:

"Also, an alter not talking in therapy doesn't mean the alter is not there. My experience is that all alters, or most, are there listening. That's why I can get so strange reactions, like all of a sudden be completely angry for no apparent reason. Then an alter has listened inside to the conversation and been upset about something that the talking alter didn't find upsetting."

Good to know how this might work.

Quote:

A little bit easier for me was to, as an adult alter, listen to the child alter inside and sort of translate to the therapist. Like "I know its stupid but my child alter says he doesn't want to talk to you, he just wants to hide over there behind the sofa..."

Next time we talk, I'll suggest this to him. I perceive a problem the "normal" alter tells the 13 y.o. he hates him. I suspect that impedes working together well.

Quote:

"I think a therapist has to be careful not to offend someone. It may be nearly impossible."

THIS IS SO TRUE. I'm not his therapist, just someone he talks to, but my gosh! If I do what little johnny wants, then big Johnny gets all bent out of shape, and vice versa! It is SOOOOO aggravating. I never know who to humor and who not. Then they act like I'm in the wrong, but I can never be in the right!

Quote:

"My experience is that alters have learned to be protected. My systems main goal has been for many years to hide that something is wrong, to seem normal. So for alters to actually come out and talk to a person took tremendous time and trust building relationship work."

I've known this guy for 3 1/2 years. Now he never wants to come and see me. Other than not talking to him anymore, is there anyway to get him to show up?

Thanks guys. The insights are priceless.

D.
_________________________
Female.

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#400595 - 06/16/12 02:25 PM Re: ? to Survivors re: Multiples in Therapy [Re: Disappointed]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
And anytime a child alter wants to write, so I can read his or her perspective, that would be GREAT.

Many thanks.

D.
_________________________
Female.

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